Two-Thirds the Venture

Ginger Ale and Saltines

2010-07-07T21:03:00.002-05:00

That's the mantra this week. Been having some really bad stomach issues and trying to sort out why. In the meantime, it's warm carbonation and as many saltines as possible. Heading to bed shortly so I can swim in the morning again. That'll make three mornings in a row I've been up and out by 6:30.

Grateful for the baby steps of progress. And if my stomach keeps misbehaving, the weight loss will be easy too! Oy...

On the Bus

2010-07-06T08:31:00.002-05:00

It's day one of training for Marshmallow Man...which means back to counting calories and making sure I'm only putting good things into my body. And when the alarm went off at 6:15, which used to constitute sleeping in for me, I fought with every part of myself to get out of bed...but I did it, I went to swim and swam a strong 3000 yards. It didn't feel all that great but it didn't feel horrible either. My times were way better than I expected and I know they'll only get faster. The goal is 2 lbs. a week from now until Jan 1st... doable. And then base training can resume at a fighting weight of 140. Hold me to it.

Eyes on the New Prize

2010-07-01T18:13:00.004-05:00

Interesting that a year ago YESTERDAY was the last time I posted anything here. Truth is, I haven't felt like much of a triathlete in a long long time. But I went out to Idaho with my bestie to watch her race at IMCDA...and for the first time in a very long time, I want to train again. There was something about the cool air, the healthy athletes, everyone toeing the line to see what they're made of...and I was reminded that I do want my life to include this insane sport.

So it's looking like the long term goal is IMCDA 2012. I've said from the start that I've wanted to do this distance race by the time I'm 40...and who knows, perhaps the 2012 date will coincide exactly with my 40th birthday. I have a lot of work to do between now and then, including spending the next year getting rid of the 60+ pounds that I've been carrying around for way too long. I'm quite sure it won't help me get up those Idaho hills...so it has to go.

Not sure what the posting will be like but I need a break from Facebook and perhaps escaping back to my blog is just the solution.

It's good to be back.

Stay tuned....and train hard.

Channelling Positive Anything...

2009-06-30T21:54:00.014-05:00

So I got a good look today at what the next three months will include if I am to finish this design program on time...and it didn't leave me with all kinds of happy thoughts. In fact, it didn't leave me with much happy at all. I feel like I've worked my A$$ off for two years...and there still is SO MUCH that I have to do to round out my portfolio. Crap-tastic.

Swimming is all I'm caring about right now. And I gotta get my run on. The heat is deterring me this week. That, and I'm still really dysfunctional around my sleep habits...every time I think I want to go for a run, I wind up taking a nap instead. Hmmmm. Maybe my natural bio-rhythms are stuck in camp mode and my body thinks that for June, July and August, I'm supposed to have rest hour?

Anyway, here's hoping I can channel the swim energy into the rest of my world. Lord knows I'm going to need all the help I can get...

Oh, and as a total non sequitur: did I mention that I have a new obsession? For those of you unlucky folk who are still unacquainted, meet CIA Agent Sydney Bristow:

Think I could take Vaughn down?

Got my swim on

2009-06-28T08:45:00.003-05:00

My swim times are coming back and it makes me HAPPY!

Today we swam this set twice through for the main set:

200 pull with paddles
4x25 IM order, :30 sendoff (had a hard time making the breaststroke leg)
4x100 on a 1:45

I can feel my pull getting stronger and it was nice to have some stroke work thrown in disguised as an "easier" set. When coach told us to swim the 100s on a 1:45 I kinda gulped because I've been swimming consistent 1:37-1:47 ish 100s and when he said 10-15 seconds rest, I was thinkin...no way, I'm going to be getting 3-5 seconds rest on a 1:45. I asked if 1:50 was a better interval for me and he suggested I just try 1:45, see how it goes. Ok.

Low and behold, swimming 3x/week for the month of June has put money in the swim bank...it's amazing what a little focus will do! I swam all the 100s on a 1:30-1:35 without too much trouble...it was challenging but not so hard that my stroke fell apart...and 10 seconds rest was just enough. SWEET.

Then to finish we swam on a :30:

8x25 with fins and paddles (fast!)
8x25 with just fins
8x25 swim

This was a FUN set...and actually pretty amazing to see that we weren't that much slower swimming than we were with the equipment... really only about a 5 second difference. I love that the tiniest little adjustments make you FEEL that much faster.

The best thing about getting back into Masters swim is that it's been EASY. I was so worried that the 4 years I spent in VT training my body to wake up early early 2x/week to get to the pool would be wasted after 2 years of messed up grad school sleep schedules...that I'd have to start over...but it's been really easy to slide right back into the routine and I don't have to drag myself out of bed because I wake up WANTING to go and feel like I've totally missed the bus if I don't. PHEW. Looks like Triathlete Girl is still in there.

What a relief!

REALLY back in the game...

2009-06-23T17:11:00.008-05:00

Whoa, last post was in October of last year. Crazy.

Well, the next 18 days will be interesting as I get ready to venture back into the world of multi-sport at the Chattanooga Waterfront Triathlon!! My training pals have helped nudge me in the right direction...and while I've been swimming a lot and cycling since January, somehow I just didn't think I had it in me to race this summer. The heat will be a challenge, along with the run and my current all time max weight (ugh, no one told me about the grad school 20...), but after a grueling almost 4 hour ride in the north Georgia mountains, I'm pretty sure I can pull it off. And if I don't finish, at least I will have gotten up early and toed the line to start it off...that much is sure!

The best development of late is that my favorite outdoor city pool has a masters group and the coach is AWESOME...a lot like my favorite coach up north in that he layers his swim sets and isn't afraid to mix it up a bunch with equipment and focus points. I actually saw a 1:30 today on a timed 100 which I have not seen since leaving VT. Very cool. I LOVE swimming outside and the BEST part is that my favorite triathletes/BFFs have joined me and are now understanding why I've been so frustrated with: 10x100, 5x200, 2x500, ready go. I've finally stopped wanting to throw kickboards. OH.HAPPY.DAY.

Things with grad school are winding up and down all at once. I have one more quarter to slog through and I'll be DONE...alas, it still feels like I'm in the foothills of the mountain that I must climb to wrap it all up by the end of September. I'll get there. In the meantime, anyone wanna hire a jack-of-all-trades graphic designer/illustrator?

Leave as many comments as possible, I need all the comment love I can get to stay on this wave amidst the hazards of grad quarter! But it's so good to be back!

Train hard!

Try as I might, there's been no Tri

2008-10-01T10:41:00.004-05:00

(the Blue Ridge Highway, one year ago...)

So I didn't make it out to the Alzheimer's Tri To Remember race despite the fact that my intrepid training partner was a total rockstar and kicked ass. I didn't anticipate the amount of energy I would expend finishing up Quarter #4 at school. It pretty much kicked my ass but I've recovered over two weeks of break and am now slowly (thankfully) easing into Quarter #5. Half way there, folks. Now all I'm worried about is where my next loan check will come from.

I did join the Peachtree Tri Club and have now gone to two swim workouts. It's so much more social than the team I was swimming with prior and it's still at Tech so I'm happy. I've also been riding pretty regularly with a group on Wednesday nights and that's been GREAT. The weather is so so beautiful right now. YUM.

If you want to see what I HAVE been up to (since it's not triathlon) swing on over to th'other blog and check it out! Comment love is always appreciated.

Train hard!!

The Amphibian

2008-08-10T18:00:00.003-05:00

So I'm in a packaging class and each week we have a different challenge - like project runway. You can see what we've been doing here but I had to post this because it just makes me laugh. We had to "re-brand" either Barbie or GI Joe - you know, make a new version of the doll that hasn't been done yet. I was assigned GI Joe and I don't know about you, but have you ever seen how freakin' violent those toys are? Anyway, I wound up using Ken and just called him GI Joe - he's THE AMPHIBIAN - the Ironman Triathlete for the new Post-Bellum line of GI Joes. The series would continue with Tour De France Joe, Mt. Everest Scaling Joe, Scuba Joe, Michael Phelps Joe...you get the idea. I just giggled to myself the whole time i was making him. His swim cap is the thumb of a rubber glove. And he has a bike too - I haven't downloaded the pics from my camera yet... more to come.

BACK IN THE GAME!!

2008-08-10T17:33:00.002-05:00

Okay, okay, I know I promised I'd post. But just as I was getting some blogging momentum, my neighbor moved and so did my free wireless internet connection. I'm working on getting up and running again but did you know when you order a comcast set up it takes them FOREVER to come do it?? Who knew? Losers.

Anyway, quick update:

First, I've found THE most fun and compatible training partner and she's keeping me totally on track and motivated. Training is fun again!!! Check out her awesome blog here. We've been having a blast biking around town and running afterwards...and we even swam TWO MILES one day!!! My shoulders hurt.

SO, I've been swimming a lot in an outdoor pool which ROCKS and have been riding my bike a ton and running some too. It's all good. Balance is back! Now I just need to get thru this silly design program and find a job and life will resume it's normalcy. One more year...

OK, will at least post more when I get my internet back. Sorry for the lameness!!

Train hard!

Wednesday Ride

2008-07-02T14:03:00.002-05:00

So I don't have class on Wednesdays and it's not a day where I need to spend the whole time working... so I've decided that I will ride on Wednesday mornings. I missed the bus today and didn't get up with my alarm...but I'm trying not to dwell on it and so I packed up the car and headed for the Silver Comet Trail. The humidity has quit for a few days so it was warm, breezy and dry for the whole 27 miles. Beautiful. I was shooting for 30 but my legs protested and when the asphalt turned to concrete slabs I turned around. I was 4 minutes faster on the return trip so that's good... I give partial credit to having warmed up and the rest to the fact that I think there's more false flats on the way out... ;) I like the flat, no more than 2% grade. It's a far cry from the 14% grades I was riding in VT. Still, I'll find some hills soon enough.

Been eating whole, healthy foods and I feel SO much better today. I've always said I have to work my health from all angles...nice that my body gives me such accurate feedback!

Train safe.

ps. I'd like to note that more than HALF of the people I saw riding and roller blading today were NOT wearing helmets. And many of them were kids. What's WRONG with ya'll???

Baby Steps

2008-07-01T20:42:00.002-05:00

Ok the slow process of reminding my body what it's like to get up early and go to bed early is underway. I spent a lovely hour this morning walking and jogging and enjoying the quiet sunshine. Yesterday I could only manage getting up at 9... today it was 8. Tomorrow I'm shooting for 7. I know, it sounds pathetic. The reality is, I'm a night owl by nature. I've been operating on 5-6 hours of sleep when I know I need 8 or 9. My body has adjusted to a 2-3 am bedtime and a 9 am wake up...and I usually ask it to get up earlier than 9 and just barely make it to 4 pm when I lie down for an hour and crash. It's insane and I don't feel good. So the plan for now is to get on a 6-7 am wakeup and an 11 pm bedtime with at LEAST a walk in the morning. It's still not always going to be the 8 hours that I need, but I'm hoping that changes in diet and adding some exercise will give me more energy during the day.

I'm working hard too at not beating myself up for having to basically start over. I'm really heavy again and even though my aerobic base is still strong, I'm a far cry from where I was for Timberman. Apparently repeating myself is necessary. It's just the way it is.

So, one more hour up and it's off to bed for me. I miss seeing 5:30 am and a pool full of friendly faces. I may really have to re-think my swim team as it swims only at night. :( Doesn't work for me. Especially with such tragic coaching.

Trying to stay positive!

Atlantean Chains

2008-06-28T10:07:00.003-05:00

I dreamed about racing last night. One of those disjointed race dreams where things start off well for the most part but then you realize you're wearing a life jacket in the swim and not only is it slowing down your perfect stroke but it's illegal...so you take it off and the guy swimming next to you puts it on and then HE'S CHEATING but you keep swimming because now he'll be slower and when you get to your bike, you have to get all your bike stuff on only your bike stuff has turned into gear for a Mt. Everest expedition so as you're adjusting your ski goggles you realize that your mountaineering boots have no cleats on them so won't fit your pedals. Anyone care to analyze this?

I'm realizing that the city is holding back my triathlon mojo. There are just too many excuses I can make...from traffic, to training partners, to heat, to thunder and lightning, to school work... and my visit home to New England reminded me how nice it is to just jump on my bike and go, no driving, lots of options for bike routes, lots of lakes and rivers and oceans to jump into afterward. I know the city is not an excuse. My old swim coach used to live in Manhattan and would carry her bike and bike trainer down 5 flights of stairs and set her trainer up between two parked cars with the front tire on the curb and ride EVERY DAY. There really is no GOOD excuse. But I've noticed that any excuse I can find seems to be good enough. I'm out of the tri habit.

MUST.CHANGE.THAT.

How do YOU talk yourself out of making excuses??

To Keep the Triathlete Moniker

2008-06-24T12:42:00.003-05:00

I read somewhere, I think it was in Going Long, that in order to call yourself a triathlete, you have to either race at least once every season or finish an Ironman. Well, Ironman plans still have not been ruled out, but for this summer, I need to get myself on the calendar. I know I said I was taking a break... but as I've been on vacation from school this past two weeks, I've had a re-awakening and I need to find Triathlete Girl again. I think her presence will swing a handful of things back into balance that have been missing since my relocation to the unofficial capitol of the South.

SO, it really is awfully hot in Atlanta and I'm certainly not complaining... I've been catching up on blogs and reading through what Trimama and Tac Boy survived this spring, I'm sure as hell not thinking about moving north again any time soon. That said, I think late September might offer a bit of cooler weather so I'm looking at a sprint on September 20th at Lake Lanier. Of course, there's a good chance there won't be a Lake Lanier by the end of the summer... but here's hoping. It's the Tri2 Remember Triathlon to act against Altzheimer's Disease, a disease I lost my grandmother to a year and a half ago. Cool. Good distance, doable within three months, nearby... should be ok. I just have to figure out how to pay the entry fee on my paltry grad student budget.

And how to get back on my bike.

And out on a run.

And to the pool.

Hmmmm. Looks like there will be some serious time budgeting going on. Come on along for the ride... ;)

Still Exchanging Air

2008-06-15T11:48:00.002-05:00

Well, it's been quite some time since I've left ya'll any news. Since then I've acquired quite a penchant for the word ya'll and I'm suddenly bundling up when the temperature drops below 80˚F. Which is never. Could you midwesterners please share some of that water with us?

So the tri thing seems to be on the back burner for now. I'm not ruling out a sprint sometime in late September but this grad school thing is getting the better of me. I have no FREAKIN' idea how Benny was able to pull it off and still train and race at ironman (not to mention work a full time job too). Insane, I tell you. Hat's off to you Ben...

As for me, I'm lucky if I can get out for a walk. I know it's about priorities but no matter my plan, it seems the best I can hope for is to accept that I'm on a different part of my journey right now and need to focus on that. I did manage to ride my bike a totally flat 20 miles on Friday and my butt is not thanking me. I do miss it all so much. So here's hoping I'll be glad to get back to it when I can.

SO, many of you have asked what I've been up to and many of you have asked to see it all and now you can...if I can manage to post it all. Take a gander over at site #2 (which, by the way is a total pain in the a$$ thru blogger...as soon as I figure out how, I will likely migrate to another space...and perhaps use my real name so I can, oh, you know, maybe find a JOB. What a novel concept).

Anyway, I'll be over there more often so if you're interested, stop on by! And as always, emails and phone calls are wanted and welcomed!!

Check out the new stuff HERE.

Ouchie!!

2008-01-06T15:42:00.000-05:00

Back in the pool this week and it's PAINFUL. Here's why:

1. I miss my old masters team. A LOT. My new team is super friendly and plenty fun but there really is no coaching to speak of so it's really more like a group of people that show up and swim together. Only slightly more motivating than going by myself. SIGH.

2. It's been almost 3 months since I've done any consistent swimming. Why oh why oh WHY do I insist on letting things go every fall??? It's SO much harder to build back than it is to maintain!!! Somehow my wee little brain cannot seem to digest that nugget of wisdom.

3. The GA Tech pool is set up for long course meters right now. If you've never tried swimming long course meters, you might not understand why this is painful. I had never tried it before either. Trust me. Short course yards is like kindergarten compared to this...

4. Did I mention I miss my old team?

However, it DOES feel good to be working my body again. And today it's 60˚F outside!!! I almost broke out the bike except that a nap sounds much more exciting.

Train hard!

Happy New Year!

2008-01-04T17:05:00.001-05:00

OK, I survived my first quarter and now that second quarter is underway, I'm all about the balancing act of making my life work again. Rumor has it that things will slow down a bit now that Sylvia's class is done. Thank goodness!

Atlanta is proving to be a HUGE help with my winter depression and 2008 is off to a great start. It's kind of like living in a perpetual Northeast September/October weather pattern, minus the gray, rain and leaves. Granted the drought is no good - but I'm surely benefiting from all the bright sunshine! It better hurry up and rain or else we'll have no water to tri in this summer! Mudbath anyone?

The other cool thing is that I can actually get out and RIDE my bike... OUTSIDE!!! How cool is that??? I'm hoping to go out and around Stone Mountain this weekend. Now if I could just find some training partners who are as pokey as I am right now...

Also have my first race on the calendar! I do a lot better when I have a goal. So it'll be the ShamRock 'n Roll 10k Road Race on March 16. Nice to have some momentum.

AND, since I love you all so and wish I could have sent each and every one of you holiday gifts, let me introduce you to PANDORA (if you've not met her already.) She is so incredibly amazing. She's a free internet radio site where you can plug in any artist you like and she'll make you your very own radio station from that artist along with all the other artists that sound like him/her. And it's just AWESOME. No commercials, never a song you don't like and all free. Amazing. So far, my favorite station came from typing in "Paul Simon." Check it out. No need to thank me, I'm here to help. ;)

Hope everyone's New Year is off to a fantastic start. Resolution #1 is to work less and blog more.

Train hard!

Redneck Tanktop

2007-11-06T21:13:00.001-05:00

Think it'll catch on in the tri community? $10 to anyone who tries it out in a race. ;)

Sundays can be hard...

2007-11-04T23:36:00.001-05:00

Why is that? For as long as I can remember, back to age 7, 8, 9 even, Sundays have always been hard for me. I'm sure there are many that would say that's reason enough to find a god.... but honestly, maybe the pressure to have a GOD is what makes the day itself difficult.

Here's a thought for the day... perhaps carry it into Monday with you...

Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.

Makes sense, doesn't it? Be well.

A Sad Day

2007-11-03T20:25:00.000-05:00

A good friend lost her husband to cancer last night. My heart is breaking for her.

He was a wonderful man. This quote makes me think of him, for it is how he lived his life:

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. – Dr. Seuss

Be well and love those around you. Our time on this earth is so precious and short.

Bonding with Amelia

2007-10-30T15:26:00.000-05:00

I finally found some time to take Amelia for a spin yesterday in the beautiful fall weather. 65˚F and beautiful sunshine here in Atlanta...quite a change from what I'd grown accustomed to up in Vermont on one of the last days of October. I feel a little like I'm living in perpetual August/September weather and I couldn't be happier. There will be some adjustments when we set the clocks back next weekend and it's darker earlier - but I'm still getting on average an extra hour of light every day. And let me tell you the difference it makes. Amazing.

My ride was fantastic. It felt so good to use my body for exercise again. I went over to the west side of the city and found the start of the Silver Comet Trail, an old rail bed that's been converted to a really great bike path. I can see why it'd be good to not go there on the weekends - when it is likely to be over-run by baby joggers, roller bladers and all kinds of family "vehicles" (think training wheels and tricyles). Which suits me fine. I'm thinking that Monday afternoons will be a good time for me to get over there. It's nice to have a schedule that allows me to take a few hours in the middle of the day. Incidentally, there were several biker types on the trail and none of them were very friendly or even really acknowledged me. Roadies, perhaps? I didn't get good the good tri vibes I was hoping to find.

My next mission is to find the bike trail that goes from Midtown out and around Stone Mountain. Because riding in the streets here is just not an option.

Going to see about a running club this weekend - Saturdays at 8 am in Piedmont Park. Wish me luck! Joining new groups is a challenge...

Here's a picture of the cut paper poster I've been designing in my Design Aesthetics class. What you see here is a culmination of more than 100 hours of work done over 3 weeks. First we drew our animal (mine was an "exotic" sheep) in the style of our civilization (mine was the Absaroke or Crow Indians) in black ink - 100 thumbnails @2" x 3", from those: 33 rough roughs @4"x6", then from those: 11 roughs @6"x9", and from those: 3 tight comps at 12"x18." Then we had to go to kinkos and scan our best three to 24" x 36" and then fix what got bad when we enlarged it (e.g. big areas of blank space). THEN once we figured out just how we wanted our final, we had to make the entire thing again, at 24" x 36" but this time out of cut paper ONLY and only using blacks, whites, and grays. Hard to imagine, isn't it? That's what I thought too. But look!!! School is pretty cool... 'cept my hand still hurts from using the exacto knife.

Train hard!

Back in the Pool

2007-10-28T13:57:00.000-05:00

OK, I made it back to the pool this morning. And I felt like a grouper. No, not an AGE grouper. A GROUPER. You know, big fish, LIIIIIIITLE tiny fins.

Why oh why do I force myself start from square one every November?

UNCLE!!!!

2007-10-27T10:33:00.000-05:00

I've been blogging in my head since August 20th. Fer shur. It's just that there's so so much to report and there's so much in my world that has been turned upside down that I don't know where to start, so I haven't!

I've written some of my Timberman half iron race report - which I know is critical since the point of this blog since its inception has been to chronicle that journey - but it's just not ready to post. So here's a recap, in lazy list form, so that you have some idea and we can move on from here... because frankly, I miss you all, and miss your comments and feedback and energy...and I need to make a point to write SOMETHING every day...or every other day. Here goes:

- after Timberman, it took a good 3 days before I could manage stairs again.

- finishing a race like a half ironman for the first time is both thrilling and humbling.

- I still have a lot of mental work to do on the triathlon front. It's really quite silly to feel like you didn't reach your goals when you're 40 mins. slower than you hoped you'd be...after 70.1 freakin' miles. 70.1 FREAKIN' miles!!!!

- it was hard to get "back on the tri wagon" after finishing that race. I didn't feel the extreme need to train and train and train and train...

- it's easy to kind of lose yourself when you stop living the lifestyle that has come to define you.

-I've never felt so focused on a goal as I felt prior to this race. It was nice to see that I could follow through on a goal that had been set 5 years prior.

- finishing this race marked the beginning of a critical transition in my short 35 years.

- in September, I packed up what felt like a too-big Budget moving truck and set off by myself, a feat previously unimaginable.

- it's amazing what a year in therapy can accomplish

- I drove from Sharon, VT to Glencoe, MD in one shot, only 10 hours which was really not so bad except when I couldn't stay awake. Thank goodness for Starbucks frappaccino...

- One night in Glencoe and I was off again, hell bound for the ATL. I was willing to stop south of Charlotte but by then, I was so jazzed that I just had to make the final push. What's one more hour after 13?

- Budget rental trucks KICK ASS. I felt safe, comfortable and efficient for the entire trip.

- the trip was uneventful if not LONG. 14 hours later I crested a hill and saw the Bank of America building towering over the Atlanta skyline. There was yelling and celebration...

- just as this happened, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" mash-up came on my iPod. THANK YOU CB!!!

- It really was quite amazing and thrilling.

- Yes, the Atlanta traffic on the highways is as ridiculous as everyone says it is. I sat in traffic at 9 pm on Saturday night for about an hour. insane. And no, no one knows how to drive here. Boston drivers seem tame...

- I managed to find my exit and new apartment and only had to circle the block 5 times before I found a spot to park the mammoth-seeming truck. one way streets are NARROW!

- nothing feels quite as grimy as the first night in a new apartment that you haven't yet cleaned YOURSELF. Even if it's been cleaned before you got there. can you say flip flops in the shower?

- friends who are willing to help you unpack your moving truck to a second floor walk up KICK ASS. Aud and Jess were/are my heroes...

- unpacking your stuff can't happen until you've cleaned. It was a long three days of scrubbing.

- did you know that cleaning can really exacerbate your carpal tunnel syndrome? yet another reason to hire a cleaning service. My hands are still asleep...

- with the bathroom and bedroom scrubbed spotless, I was able to pack my laptop and toothbrush and return to Vermont for a week of closure, goodbyes and to collect my car.

- leaving was harder than I thought it would be. I needed a snowstorm to kick my ass outta there 'cause VT in September, esp. during global warming, is really quite lovely.

- Me and Vivien (the sleek, older woman Subaru Legacy) headed south to RI to bid family adieu and collect a younger cousin who thought it'd be cool to check out the ATL for a few days...and keep me company on the 2nd drive south.

- the east coast goes by much faster at 75 mph than at 60 mph. We made it all the way to Richmond in about 9 hours. Totally uneventful. ;)

- Viv got about the same gas mileage as the Budget Truck. She's really getting on in years...

- From Richmond, where we had a lovely visit with another cousin and his family, we headed due west to experience the Blue Ridge Highway, which was quite spectacular (pictures forthcoming).

- The coolest part about it was when a black bear ran across the road in front of us!! And we'd only just been discussing what kinds of wildlife lived in the blue ridge mountains.

- We made it all the way to Gatlinburg, TN where we camped for a night and slept for about 5 minutes. thankfully it didn't rain.

- It was pretty cool to drive UP and OVER the Great Smoky Mountains. But it was akin to driving up Mt. Washington. I felt bad for the AT hikers who were at the highest point of the trail south of the Whites, who had to earn the view with their own two feet, but who were joined by hundreds of tourists in flip flops and tube tops exclaiming over the view as they smoked their Merit Lights and sipped PBR. Deliverance is not just a movie.

- coming down the east side of the Smokies, we drove thru the Cherokee Indian Reservation. Which is really quite upsetting and sad. I was ashamed to be an American of European descent.

- Asheville, NC is very pretty but much bigger than I thought it would be.

- We got into the ATL exhausted and happy to have arrived.

- spent several days unpacking, more cleaning, driving around and getting lost for fun just to see as much of the city as possible, and getting totally lost in IKEA.

- My little cuz was impressed by the place and could see himself moving here... which would be TOTALLY cool. So far though, I have not heard of any plans for him to relocate. Follow through in life is everything... my fingers are still crossed.

- on Monday, October 1st I began a two year graduate program in Graphic Design with 37 other students.
- as of Monday, October 29th, I believe there are now only 34 or 35 of us. The weeding out process has been pretty intense.

- I'm learning EXACTLY what I signed up to learn - classes are Design Aesthetics, Emotive Type, Typography Fundamentals, Flash I, and Print Production. All are AMAZING.

- In the first week alone, we had about 30 hours of work just for Design Aesthetics.

- I had to draw an exotic sheep in the style of the Crow (Absaroke) Indian Tribe, no less than 200 times. I used to like sheep...

- I know where every Art Supplies store, Office Depot, Staples, Lowe's, Home Depot, and Kinko's is in greater Metro Atlanta - you can just call me Google Map.

- I have no idea how people used to move to a new city and find their way around without the internet or google.

- In the first week I was here, I consulted Google Maps to find: Starbucks, Ikea, Target, Home Depot, Publix, Wal Mart, Michael's, Georgia Power, CVS, Wachovia, Whole Foods, Staples, and countless directions. It's really quite amazing.

- There is very little overlap in design/art students and triathlon. I need to find some additional friends who are a little more active.

- I've been to swim with my new swim team exactly ONCE. It's quite tragic, really. The pool is at Georgia Tech - just a few blocks from my place - and is the site of the '96 games...which means the facility is INCREDIBLE. Schoolwork has overwhelmed me but this week I am going to MAKE time to get there.

- It's hard to get used to a new master's coach. Especially when your old masters coach kicks some serious ass. It's like going from eating caviar with champagne to eating TV dinners with PBR. Hard to get motivated for practices that are just dull and no fun. I will overcome. Swimming is too important to me...

- It's lonely starting out on your own in a new city. But inroads are being built and things will improve. For now, I'm going to enjoy the struggle. Living on your growth edge is important and life-affirming.

- thank goodness for excellent therapy.

- it is still light at 6:30 pm here - at the end of october. Seeing snow on the ground for some of you is reminding me that I am TOTALLY in the right place. 70F days, 40F nights with the windows open - it's ALL good. Georgia may in fact be the solution to my severe seasonal depression. THANK the goddess.

- I miss my tri life but I WILL be returning to it asap.

- I'd love to hear from any bloggers in the ATL.

There's still a lot more to write but for now, I'm doing fine, loving my new path and getting used to living on that growth edge. I back away from the edge some days and that makes it hard to move forward but slow and steady progress is what I'm about. It's all good. And I remind myself every day to enjoy the ride because we only get one ride in this here life. No sense rushing to the next goal because the goal is really the journey.

I've been quiet on comments and email but know that I'm still reading about what all of you have been up to and cheering you every step of the way. I REALLY want to be better about posting but school has to take a front seat for now. I'm told that things will quiet down after first quarter and will be even more quiet after 2nd quarter... that this is the indoctrination period. Let's hope the rumors are true because I'm not sure I can keep up this pace for 2 WHOLE years!!! Yikes...

Thanks to everyone that has sent well wishes and good thoughts - it means more than you know!!!

I'm going to go check out the Dekalb Farmer's Market in Decatur. I hear they have vegetables I've never even heard of before... ;)

Train hard, and enjoy the off season!

I MADE IT!!! Call me TIMBERWOMAN!!

2007-08-20T14:35:00.000-05:00

70.3 miles. It was long. It was hard. But I never wanted to stop and never felt like I needed to. Here's the short story...more to come very soon but bear with me, I'm finishing my job, marrying off my brother and moving across the country in the next three weeks... LOTS going on!!!

1492 people started the race, interestingly there were 1017 men and only 475 women.

1461 people finished the race (the last finisher was Dick Hoyt with his son Rick).

I finished 1411/1461.

Swim:
1.2 mi. in 40:04 minutes
744/1461

T1: 5:51 (had to do hair and makeup)

Bike:
56 VERY WINDY miles in 3:48:41, avg. speed 14.7 mph, serious nutrition issues
1419/1461

T2: 3:05 (skipped the makeup this go-round)

Run:
13.1 mi. in 3:00:23, average jogging/shuffling/walking pace of 13:47 min./mi.
1435/1461

Total time: 7:38:02
Overall age group: 96/106
Overall women: 431/475

The great thing about these numbers...NO WHERE to go but UP, baby!!!

Report to come as soon as I can get to it... I stood next to race winner Desiree Ficker in the ladies' room before the race and she was just chatting up the gals in there as if she were one of us!!! I love this sport...

Signing off...very sore and badly in need of a NAP. ;)

Timberman HO!

2007-08-17T15:11:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posting...I've BEEN posting. In my head. You just can't see it. And I have so much to write that NONE of it has made it here yet...

Well, as you can see in my sidebar, the countdown clock is almost to zero and the time has come to toe the line for my very first half ironman. I'm as ready as I'm gonna be so at this point it's about stretching, sleeping and not doing anything stupid with the diet. I felt a little panicked earlier in the week but I think now I've just decided that I'm LUCKY to be able to participate, to have gotten to the starting line, and that I'm just going to enjoy the day. So that's the plan. To get to the finish with a smile...

The different thing about this race for me is the amount of support I will have from fans. Team IronTom will be out in force, both racing with me and cheering alongside and I'm super excited to be part of such a strong, supportive and wonderful group. If you're headed to Ellacoya, look for lots of red team kits!!! I'm #1287.

Catch you all on the flip side...

Be safe...

Help please...

2007-07-31T07:34:00.000-05:00

OK, all you internet gurus. I gotta set up a new high speed internet account at my new digs.

Cable or DSL connection? If you're adamant about one over the other, why?

I won't have a phone land line, just my cell.

And I'm trying to avoid Comcast if possible.

Midtown Atlantians are most welcome to weigh in...

Thanks!

Friday Fun - Especially for Children of the 80s...

2007-07-27T14:58:00.000-05:00

If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention...

2007-07-25T13:35:00.000-05:00

I've been pretty disconnected from the news lately - my aunt made me aware of this story today and it made me sick and afraid. How are we letting history repeat itself in realms like this? It doesn't make any sense to me.

PLEASE take the time to read about these kids and sign the petition.

JUSTICE FOR THE JENA 6

Read the NAACP's report on the whole situation here.

You can get to the online petition from either of the above links but just in case you miss it, it's HERE. SIGN IT.

The national media has been unusually quiet about this story. Go figure. If you have a blog, use it to educate your friends and others. If we can't go mainstream, take it to the underground. It's too important.

Use your voice to stand up for these kids and their civil rights. When it's time for others to stand up for your civil rights, there might not be anyone left.

How come...

2007-07-23T12:57:00.000-05:00

...when I'm riding my bike NORTH, it always feels like I'm climbing??

Where in the World...

2007-07-20T12:25:00.001-05:00

Where I'm going, there are lots of these:

Training this week is taking a back seat to the torrential downpours and fierce thunderstorms. Finally a break in the action today might actually get me out on my bike. Here's hopin'. Maybe it's been a sign that I was supposed to take it easy after the century.

BLou's ribs are slowly healing. Another week and she'll be chomping at the bit to get on the trainer.

My response to that, "SLOW DOWN THE'A, GUNPOWDA!!!"

Damn, this is cool...

2007-07-19T13:57:00.000-05:00

This You Tube video is titled "What Happens When Graphic Artists Get Bored."

It's also clue #1 about what the near future holds for me... Where, when, why and how will become more clear in the next few weeks so stay tuned...

...and train hard!!

2007 Audrey Prouty Century Ride Report

2007-07-18T10:03:00.000-05:00

I did it! 100 miles. Not sure I could've conceived of that distance only a few short years ago. And I felt REALLY good the whole time... SWEET.

AND, I raised $1095 to go toward cancer research!!! EXTRA special thanks to all who donated to my ride. The goal for the event, in its 26th year, was $1.5 million... they're still counting all the donations but on event day, they'd reached $1.6 million and past years have shown that typically between $300K and $400K come in on the actual day of the event from last minute donations and registrants. And these totals are from individual contributions and don't include the corporate sponsors. Overall, it looks to be more than $2 million raised for cancer research! I'll watch the totals as they become available and report back. It was a banner day!! Thanks again to all who contributed. It means a lot!!

OK, so the report...

My riding partner, BLou, and I started the day at 4:50 am when the alarm woke us out of a hazy sleep. It had finally stopped raining and while the sun hadn't yet poked over the horizon, we could tell it would be a fantastic day.

Some of you know that I'm not a very peppy morning person. I'd really really like to be. I'm still in transition and triathlon is certainly helping my progress but overall, I'd much rather snuggle back under the warm covers, see you after 8, thank you very much. So 4:50 isn't my greatest hour. BUT, it was Saturday... and it was EVENT day.

Recall Shel Silverstein:

"I cannot go to school today,"

Said little Peggy Ann McKay.

"I have the measles and the mumps,

A gash, a rash and purple bumps.

...

and she goes on and on about why she can't go to school until:

... I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what?

What's that? What's that you say?

You say today is. . .Saturday?

G'bye, I'm going out to play!"

Yeah, that was me.

BOUNCING. OFF. THE WALLS.

I can't really explain why I was so excited but I was. I really wanted to know how it would feel, being out there for 7-8 hours. I felt strong and rested and ready for the day and it was time to have preparation meet opportunity, as Bold would put it. I had decided that I would use this day as a nutrition and pacing test for Timberman, my first half ironman (aiye, which is coming right up!!!) My TM goal is to finish in under 7 hours so I really needed to know how it would feel to be "on my feet" for that long. AND how a nutrition plan would shake out.*

(*aside: last week I did a 60 mile ride that was BRUTAL as far as hills - it had two climbs that were over 5 miles long and one other with a 13% grade. It started pouring about 25 miles in and the temperature dropped about 15 degrees. I was eating clif blocks and drinking gatorade and had what I thought was a reasonable amount of fuel on board. And I BONKED, big time. Serious bonk. Like, dizzy, black spots, can't take another step, getting off my bike NOW bonk. Sheesh. Have not experienced going from 60 to ZERO in the space of 2 minutes. It's HORRIBLE. I had to bail around mile 56 and BLou went to get the truck to pick me up. Maybe having to work to stay warm burned a whole bunch of extra calories. Who knows. It was NOT pleasant. Alas, a big part of the 100 mile ride would be to make sure there were enough calories on board. Now, back to your regularly scheduled report... )

OK, so the plan was in place for the day. I was fired up. We ate a good breakfast and were headed to the start by 5:30 to meet up with Tomomma, aka Badass Runrgurl, aka CB, by 6:15. All of us had registered the day before so we could just head right out and head we did.

Riding by 6:14, CB, BLou and I were happy to be on the road. There were lots of other century riders getting going that early too and we were psyched to have so much company. This ride also offers a 50 mile and 25 mile bike option as well as a fitness walk... most of those folks would be getting started a little bit later. The CT River valley is almost always foggy on cool summer mornings so for the first 20 miles or so, we rode in a damp fog. It almost always burns off by 9 each morning... but we were a good 3 hours from 9!

BLou in the fog (photo by Dan Grossman)

a small pack of foggy riders (photo by Dan Grossman)

We zoomed thru the first SAG stop at mile 10 feeling great. There were groups of riders, presumably teams that had entered together so they'd ride together and we'd hop on their pace lines for a bit and then let them pull ahead. I was aware that as a triathlete, drafting wasn't something I really needed to be practicing for and that my training would be stronger and more realistic if I avoided it. BUT, this day was also about just riding and being out there and thinking about all the people who couldn't be. Besides, drafting is as much fun as ANY amusement park ride is to an 8 year old. I had yet to TRULY experience it's power.

We passed by the 2nd SAG stop at mile 17 and began the first big climb still feeling fresh. We were now leaving the river valley for the mountains and soon realized that we were about to climb out of the fog into a bright sunshiny day. It was pretty incredible ascending Mt. Cube into pools of early morning sunlight. I was conscious of not pushing too hard and just tried to hold a steady and high cadence - somewhere above 80, optimally above 90. The climbs went slowly but I felt strong and so so happy to be outside in the beautiful mountains. There were signs along the route that had cute little rhymes and poems that were supposed to keep you smiling and motivated. I passed a few people that seemed kinda grumpy and tried cheering them up with some sarcasm about what ugly scenery we were riding by... I dont' think they got it. They were just grumpy. Not enough hill training, apparently! We also passed an older couple riding a tandem recumbent bike. WHOA!! Totally impressive.

(photo by Dan Grossman)

At the top of the climb was SAG #3 and we stopped to fill and drain liquids. The sun was out in full force here and would be for the rest of the day. Kids from one of the residential summer camps were staffing the stop and were totally enthusiastic and comical. They were "selling" sunscreen, pb & j wedges and candy bites as if they were working the stands at Fenway and having a blast! I was struck, at every station we stopped at, by the volunteers who, when I thanked them, they would look at me with a funny expression and say, "No, thank YOU for being out here riding." As if it were a ridiculous thing that I was thanking them for supporting me. It felt pretty good and kept the whole experience in perspective for me. It was much bigger than just the training ride I had planned for the day... we were part of a larger whole and it felt good to belong and contribute.

New pavement just after SAG #3 made for a speedy and thrilling descent - for what goes up must come down (if you want to check out the elevation profile, click on the map and then check the box on the left side that says "display elevation"). The sun was bright but the air was still cool and the route shady so we were pretty comfortable overall. It was right about now that I started to appreciate the value of Chamois Buttr. Pretty amazing stuff! I was skeptical but will not doubt again...

We hit the next turn to the north and started climbing steadily up the Mt. Moosilauke Highway. The views were spectacular (I didn't have a camera but the World Wide Web is pretty amazing):

And here's a shot of a section of the road - at around mile 45:

Along this stretch, we were swept up by a group of about 8 riders - big guys - who blew by us and without saying much, paused just enough to show us they thought we should hop on their train and then proceeded to carry us along at about 22 mph for a good ten miles. UNreal. Like I said, I hadn't really experienced more than 1 or 2 people in a pace line... and this, THIS was like The Tour. We were a peloton of about 10 and it was REALLY fun - just getting pulled along. It certainly requires quite a bit of concentration, care and trust but once you get the feel for it - HOLY COW. We rotated leaders and I led the pack for a few miles with another guy who turned out to be on my swim team (it's amazing how different people look when not in their speedos). The road had a super wide shoulder so we could be two or three abreast and still be between the white line and the edge so it was ideal. The pavement was also super smooth. We sucked up almost every rider we passed and by the time we got to the next SAG stop at around mile 50, we had grown to about 20 riders. We came piling in to the stop with the biggest grins on our faces. Something I won't soon forget.

At times, it was pretty scary though - after awhile the road narrowed and the pavement reverted to potholes, vertical fissures and frost heaves... and I was quite a bit less comfortable. I discovered that you can still get into the slipstream by hanging just off the back, far enough that you can see the road you're about to ride over, not so close that you're IN the pothole before you see it. My lack of experience left me feeling uneasy that I would mess up and hurt someone else...

So my plan for nutrition called for 200-300 calories per hour and I wanted to try to stick to what I thought I'd be able to carry on my bike for Timberman. So, I let myself have things from the SAG stops only at times when I might've been passing thru transition during the HIM. The Hammer gels I brought fit in my shirt pockets and were going down well with Gatorade... plus two halves of pb&j on english muffin also fit just fine and were easy to access. I did best with pb&j on wheat which was available at every SAG stop... after 4 hours of riding, I stopped worrying about whether I was eating what I brought or what the SAG offered... Timberman will have me on the bike for 3.5 hours so I felt confident that I would be able to fuel well for that time. I will likely have a sandwich in T2 as I head out on the run and follow it up with gels over the half marathon. By mile 90, I was still feeling fresh and well nourished... on the whole, I could tell when I was starting to get hungry and could head it off before I'd gone too far toward the bonk. Lots of confidence on this plan now - but I will of course continue to refine it.

We wanted to stick with the huge pack so hopped on our bikes just before they seemed to be heading out. CB wasn't as comfortable riding with a group as BLou and I were so we just decided to play it by ear... BLou and I stayed with them for a bit, lost them on a hill, caught them again with some help from my aero position and then finally gave up trying to stay with them - they were just moving a little faster than we could sustain. We had backed off and were catching our breath - just BLou and I with CB a ways back but in view, when things went south.

We'd been concentrating in the pack for so long that once we were on our own again, complacency set in. The scenery was beautiful, there was a light headwind and puffy white clouds with bright sunshine...it's SO easy to let your guard down and lose focus for a split second. B was behind me, just over my shoulder or so I thought, when I heard that horrible sound of tangling bike and human hitting the ground. ugh. SUCH a terrible sound. She had just grazed my rear wheel and then gone down - luckily into the grass on the right side of the road - but very hard. I stopped immediately and ran back, telling her not to move. She was pretty tangled in her bike and trying to catch her breath. CB pulled up having seen the whole thing and asked a passing motorist to call 9-1-1.

Pretty quickly a support van came by and it turned out we were only about a quarter mile from the next SAG stop and the ambulance was hanging out there. I used to be an EMT so had a pretty good idea that B was ok - her ABC's checked out as she was talking (and was PISSED - that's always a good sign when hurt people have enough energy to be pissed... unless they're combative - then that's not good...heh) in the 5 minutes while waited for the medics, and she had no neck pain but we kept her still anyway. Her chief complaint was rib pain - upper right side - and she couldn't comfortably take a deep breath. Ayie. Not a good presentation at the 60 mile mark of a century ride. Because she had fallen on the grass, there was only minimal road rash so that was a plus.

The medics were set to put her on a backboard and do the whole shebang, which I knew would just bum her out more but I kept my mouth shut and just asked what she felt like she wanted to do. She asked if she could try to sit up so they cleared her neck and she was able to actually get up. I think she was considering trying to go on, but after a few more minutes of letting the hurt sink in, she decided to go get checked out at the hospital, which was thankfully only a mile up the road. She insisted that I keep riding with CB, was totally relieved that she hadn't taken me down with her, and she put on a brave face as they closed the ambulance doors. The perfect day wasn't quite so perfect any more.

CB's hubby TB had planned to meet us at the upcoming SAG and ride the last 40 miles with us so when we were a little past our ETA, he started to worry... and then saw the ambulance pull out and heard the radio crackling about a rider down - and of course assumed the worst. So he rode at mach 12 and found us just as CB was pulling up - it was nice to have one more person for moral support. Once the ambulance had pulled away, we made plans with the support van to transport the bike back and then we got back on the road. I was a little shaken but BLou is tough and I knew that she'd be much more pissed off than hurt or upset. Somehow that made me feel better.

The rest of the ride was as beautiful as the first half. The wind started to pick up but we were back down in the river valley so there were just small rollers and long stretches of flat to contend with. We mostly stayed as a threesome but tagged along with a few different pace lines and groups. We had returned to the part of the route that the 50 mile riders were on so we started to pass much slower groups, kids, and lots of mountain bikes. Plus, it was closer to lunchtime so the traffic had picked up and there was a lot to pay attention to.

I was feeling pretty strong still and kind of marveled at that fact for awhile. My legs felt good, I still had power and was having a really easy time keeping my cadence above 90 for the most part. I fell behind on a hill at one point and TB came back to get me, said "Hop on" and within 5 minutes we had caught CB and were together again.

I said to him, "HOW cool is it that you can just pull me along at that pace and we make up that much ground??"

His reply, "How cool is it that you're at mile 85 of a bike ride and you can sustain 23 mph for 5 minutes while we make up that much ground??" Heh. Yeah, you're right, I thought. Pretty damn cool.

We stopped at the last SAG, got more liquids and had some pictures taken:

me 'n CB (photo by Dan Grossman)

CB 'n TB (photo by Dan Grossman)

My fuel situation was still perfect and I felt tired but great. My butt was the most sad of any body part. And my shoulders weren't all that comfy either. I think if I ever attempt an ironman, I'll need a slightly different aero setup because my upper back and neck were screaming toward the end. Not sure if it's fit or just that I need to spend more time in that position...it'd be nice to think it was just fit though.

The last 5 miles of the route took us right down along the river and we just kinda rolled on thru. TB was schooling me on how to tackle the tiny hills - keeping myself in a higher gear and standing to power thru them so as to maintain my momentum. I see the benefit but wonder how taxing my legs like that on the bike would translate to the run in a tri. I'm curious about specific bike techniques for tri - I know that a high cadence in a lower gear is beneficial in saving your legs for later... any other tips?

With about two miles to go, a green pickup passed us carrying BLou, who booyaa-ed out the window at us. I was SO relieved to see and hear her - and to see that she was ok and in good spirits. She wound up with two broken ribs and a handful of pretty impressive bruises. It's been a rough few days for her but today she's finally starting to be able to take deeper breaths. Sneezing will have to wait another week or two though. I'm looking forward to the return of my biking partner. It'll be all I can do to keep her off the trainer for another few days. Crazy cyclists...

Oh, as you can see from the map data, the route is about 3 miles short of a full century. I decided that I really didn't care since I knew that tacking on 3 more miles would've been no problem. CB decided to ride around the parking lot a few dozen times to make up the difference just to see her bike computer showing 100+ miles. TB laughed at her the whole time. Crazy triathletes...

During the ride, I thought about all the people in my life that are affected by cancer. And I thought hard about the fact that I was out there riding, enjoying the summer air, taking in the beautiful scenery with my friends...and that there are so many people that can't do that because they're sick. I dedicate this ride to them. To my mom, my brother and my cousin who have won their battles for now, to my aunt and especially to my dad who are fighting hard to stay ahead of it all. To Warren and Alix, to Abby, to Eric's dad, to Dave's mom, and to all the many many parents, children, aunts, uncles, grandparents, partners and friends that are out there fighting every day. We raised many toasts to each of you over the course of our ride and you will forever have our love and support as you continue to be strong and brave each day.

At the finish (photo by Dan Grossman)

Century rides are amazing and I will definitely be doing another one. In fact, I'm strongly considering the AIDS Life Cycle ride in June of 2009.

Anyone else game?

Prouty Century Ride for Cancer Research

2007-07-10T08:49:00.000-05:00

So my 100 mile ride is coming up this Saturday, July 14th and I've almost reached my fundraising goal of $1000!! Every little bit helps so if you're so inclined, head on over to my sidebar and click on the Prouty image. There's still time!!!!

And thanks so very much...

35 Years Young

2007-06-25T12:30:00.000-05:00

I'm 35 years old today! Life as a triathlete and masters swimmer is great for a 35 year old... it means: AGING UP!!! Stay tuned to see if it makes a difference in my results! Here's hoping anyway...

Went on another crazy, hilly ride on Saturday. It was SO windy we had to FIGHT to get down the hills. I was loving my aerobars. Climbing is feeling better each and every ride - I'm really starting to warm up to my two ring gearing... can't be more specific than that 'cause I don't know what the numbers are... but it's working for me and hills are no longer as PAINFUL as they once were. Here's the route and elevation profile in case you're wondering...

Train hard!

A Serious Question

2007-06-25T10:10:00.000-05:00

So, is it just Vermont? Or in other parts of the world, when you ride a bike loop and manage to ride in every direction, North, South, East AND West, is the wind ALWAYS in your face, no matter which way you're riding?

Inquiring minds want to know...

Bicycle MANIA!!!

2007-06-12T11:15:00.001-05:00

Been riding a LOT since my calf pull is on the mend and I don't want to push its recovery by running on it. Friday night I rode for only an hour but it was basically 25 minutes of climbing, 5 minutes of screaming, white knuckled downhill, turn around, 25 more minutes of climbing (up a 13% grade - one of the steepest VT has to offer) and finishing off with 5 more minutes of sheer terror downhill. I hate to admit that I might need to replace my brake pads... I'm just not comfortable going over 40 mph, you know? Heh...

Last night we rode for about 1:40 over 21.2 miles... which averages out to about 12.7 mph. Which is kind of a disappointing speed... until you check out this elevation profile:

I'm finally strong enough that I can keep up a steady cadence during climbs - even with only two chain rings up front.

Progress is SWEET!

Train hard...

RACE REPORT-Mooseman Intl. Distance Tri

2007-06-08T12:20:00.000-05:00

Race fans!! Sorry it's taken so long to post my report. You've waited this long, you can wait a little longer so before you read, head on over to GoSwim and watch the 5th and final Flip Turn Noodle Method Drill. Time to put it all together!!!

SO...

It was a great day at the races for me (Spence, aka TOMboy) and my fellow Team IronTom-ers. TOMomma and NewTOM (formerly known as Yet-To-Be-Named Tom) and I all toed the line and enjoyed the beautiful scenery and an excellent day of early season racing.

I had a bit of a fashion crisis on Friday night as I realized that I needed clothing that would fit under my wet suit if I didn't want to wear a swim suit. I tend to go with the NON-fitted race outfits so I was worried that what I had would be too bulky under the suit - which is a tad on the small side to begin with (still working that problem).

In the end, I settled on a brand new swimsuit as the only thing under my wetsuit and then I pulled on my Tri Geek Dreams Tri shorts and a sleeveless tank in T1... it worked out and I was comfortable. Fashion crisis averted... (although we really weren't sure what the weather was going to do and if it was going to be cold after swimming in 62˚F water, I wanted warm stuff for the bike... and I realized that I didn't have much in the way of warm race wear. In the end I decided on a few different mid-weight and silk weight capilene tees and threw them all in... and didn't need them after all...)

Met ToMomma at her place at 5 am sharp, we chatted with Mr. ToMomma and made sure he had directions to arrive later with Jr. (our cheering section), and then headed out. It was foggy but warm and beautiful out... a perfect race day.

The forecast was for hazy, hot and humid with a chance of thunderstorms so we were a little nervous we might be faced with a duathlon instead of a tri... run-bike-run is not my idea of fun, fishy that I've become. But the sun came out and no thunder bumpers appeared...

At registration, I realized that I had signed up as an Athena for this race. I've always qualified but never signed up in that category before and I was immediately sorry that I had... here's why. First, I was relegated to the last swim wave with first timers, and over 40s...don't get me wrong, the over 40s were/are fantastically fit and amazing... this was an early season olympic distance race which made the wave SMALL. Oy. I'm all about big waves.

Second drawback, since we were the last wave, we were WAAAAAAAAAAAAY at the back of a 700 person transition area. It was a long jog to the bike out/bike in... But, hey, I'm cool, I can deal, no problem. I'll just take it in stride. be calm. roll with the punches...

Until I got to my bike rack...and realized that the spot on the rack corresponding to my number placed my bike... in the middle of a 7 inch high by 20 inch diameter... STUMP. Nice. The joys of forested transition areas.

If you've been reading my blog, you know that my GREATEST fear in triathlon is being last. It's silly, I know. But my entire childhood was filled with disdain for all the kids that were ever last. I was almost NEVER one of them (probably because I was so afraid of being THE ONE) but I was typically in the last 5... and that was too close for comfort despite the fact that it gave me license to STILL pick on the kid that WAS last. Oh the humiliation and shame.

This battle in my head rages on at every race and it's something that I have to work hard to control - this feeling of panic and dread at the possibility of being last. In 5 years of racing, I've only been close to last ONCE in a tri (there were 3 people behind me)...and I ran a 5K that I tied for last in - with an 85 year old guy who was feeling pretty good about himself for crossing the line with a 30 year old... but that was my very first 5K ever...and there were only like 70 people in it... all gazelles...

So I tell myself over and over, "Run your own race. Don't compare yourself to others. It's FINE if you're last - you're still ahead of the other 95% of the world that're home sitting in their lazyboys..." Over and over... until I'm sure I'm convinced...

...until I realize that I'm starting in the LAST swim wave, racing from the BACK of transition, and there are only 14 other Athenas brave enough to enter as Athenas (because let's face it, most of us don't do it... I know there are many of you out there that weigh 150 lbs. with pure muscle) ...and well, my brain started to short circuit.

So I started unpacking my stuff, resigned that this was going to be a SUCKY race... when I realized I was on the end of the rack with extra space, that the stump really wasn't in my way, and that it just didn't matter what happened, I was going to race MY race and just get a feel for where I am at this point in the season. I wasn't going to let a few unexpected details ruin my day. Dammit, this is supposed to be FUN.

I squeaked into my wetsuit, pre-race announcements happened and we all headed down to the water. As soon as I put my toes in I was wishing I had sleeves. YEOW. I realize 62˚F isn't all that cold to some of you, esp. the Pacific Ocean swimmers... but dang, it was FREAKIN' cold for me. Even with two swim caps, it took a few minutes of "Oh-my-holy-god" before I was able to put my face in the water without gasping for breath. I took maybe two dozen strokes, got out, then did it again... and then stayed in hoping that was enough of a warmup. I was almost numb by that point. Thank goodness the air was warm.

Newie was the first of us to start in the 25-29 wave...then Momma went in the 35-39 wave (the one I would've been in) and then my wave with everyone that was left. I put myself toward the front of the small pack on the left edge for a counterclockwise course. And then we were off. It took a good 5 minutes or so to get used to the cold on my arms and face but then I got in a groove and just stayed there the whole time. I sighted well, swam pretty straight and before I knew it I was rounding the last buoy and had caught up to most of the wave in front of me and a few of the folks two waves ahead. Each wave was 4 mins. apart so that was encouraging. By the time I got out of the water, my doubts were gone and I was back on a positive mind track.

So the wetsuit strippers - yeah, no so much. Maybe I'll use them for the half ironman...but I wasn't feeling it for this race. I jogged to my bike (judging by the bikes around me, I was one of the first out of the water in my wave), got out of my wetsuit easily and got ready to cycle.

SWIM:
0.93mi./1.5K: 28:03
pace of 31:10/mi.
192/659 overall

T1: 4:47
(OK, yeah I took my time but have you ever biked 27.25 mi. and run 10K with hemlock needles in your socks? I didn't think so... PLUS I was WAAAAAAAY at the back, remember?... )

Downed a Gu packet just as I was heading out of T1 and jogged the LOOOOOOOOOOONG route to the other end of transition and the bike out.

The bike was pretty uneventful. The course was great, not too much traffic except for one part thru town where I nearly got clipped by a dump truck. It WAS pretty hilly. My goal was to keep a high cadence and avoid any and all mashing which I mostly achieved. Amelia has two chain rings in the front so mashing is unavoidable on certain hills but this was a hilly but fairly rolling course with only one tough climb. I did play leap frog with a friendly woman who would power by me in her baby third ring on the hills only to have me scream by her on the downhills and flats in my aerobars. We were laughing about it... she passed me on the last hill and I didn't see her again. She was 57 I think... claimed that it was "all the spinning" she does. Pretty cool. I want to be like her when I grow up.

One benefit to starting in the last swim wave is that not as many people pass you on the bike... AND, you know that you beat anyone that DOES pass you out of the water. Hey, I'll take any mental edge I can get. I did manage to pass quite a few people so that felt good... and I made a point to tell each one they were doing a good job as I passed. That always makes me feel better when someone does it for me...

I was pretty ready to get off the bike after 26 or so miles. It had gotten HOT and in retrospect, I could've used some more Gu around mile 24 - both for the bike and the set up for the run. Duly noted...

BIKE:
27.25 miles: 1:47:41
avg. pace: 15.2 mph (not so great but I knew this going in - gotta put more miles in!)
565/659 overall

T2: 2:43
(a little better but this time the run exit was right next to my bike so yeah, not much excuse...)

I grabbed a Gu packet and tucked it in my tri shorts... probably would've made sense to have it right then but there's not much sense to be made at this point in a race. The run started on the sandy beach which made me REALLY glad that a.) I'm not a cross country runner and b.) this was not an Exterra race. Guh... talk about hard!!! I just tried to concentrate on not rolling my ankle and then I was on asphalt again. Shouted to CE, our "team" photographer, that I was running by her as she was chatting with Newie's mom... and headed out for 6.2 mi.

All I could think at that point was, "How on EARTH could I run 13.2 miles right now? And that'll be after biking 56 miles!!!" It was HOT. I had a side stitch. It was HOT. The female race leaders were finishing just as I was heading OUT on the run... and did I say it was HOT? I really wasn't sure how I was going to get thru 6.2 miles. So I decided to eat some Gu and just get thru 1 mile... and work from there.

Then I pulled my left soleus (that VERY inside-the-leg calf muscle). It's an old injury. I know it as soon as it happens. And it just makes me MAD. But I plugged along.

It was an out and back course and in not very long, Newie passed me going the other way. She looked GREAT and had a smile even though she was pushing really hard... and was HOT. Mile 1 passed and the Gu still hadn't kicked in. You know that feeling when you just want to lie down on the side of the road? HOT. Saw Momma going back the other way, also looking strong, then Britta and then it was just me. I felt like I was going to be last so I just resigned myself to it. Whatever. I just wanted to finish.

Past the turn around I started to feel better. I settled in to a nice 12 min /mile pace and just stuck there - and in the end, I probably could've run that pace all day. The water stations had ice so I would put it in my hat and that cooled me off considerably. My calf was painful but I could adjust my gait just enough to compensate and keep moving. The best part about the turn around was that I could see JUST how many people really were behind me... and there were a lot.

I finally relaxed and decided there was NO WAY I was going to be last. Not as many people passed me on the run as usually do either. Who knows why... but it helped my mental game. At about the start of mile 6, Newie and Momma appeared walking toward me and fell in to run me the rest of the way in. Great pals, those girls. By that point, I was feeling MUCH better and finishing was sweet. But dang, it was HOT.

RUN:
6.2 mi./10K: 1:15:13 / 12:07 pace
1st 5K: 37:09 / 11:59 pace
2nd 5K: 38:05 / 12:17 pace
601/659 overall

I was actually surprised that my second 5K was slower than the first because I felt so much better during the second half. I did walk the water stops on the way back so perhaps that accounts for it.

Final time: 3:38:25
10/14 Athenas (grrrrrrr, not too happy with that...)
204/273 women
549/659 overall

We jumped back in the cold lake, ate some post race food and headed home just as the rain started falling.

Overall I was happy with my race day. During the race, I didn't feel like I could've pushed a lot harder... but based on how this week has gone, I'm SURE that I didn't leave it all out there... I have not been sore really at all and apart from a few days of feeling tired and cranky, I've mostly felt GREAT. Had a really strong bike ride on Wednesday and two fairly strong swims this week... heading out for another ride today and feeling pretty fresh. My calf felt better on Sunday - I pretty much iced it all day long on Saturday after the race and that made a huge difference I'm sure. I'm not going to try running on it again until next week but it doesn't hurt to bike or swim so I'll do both.

I don't think I'm going to enter as an Athena again - mostly because it sounds like that puts you in the last swim wave at any race...and mentally that's not what I need. I'm glad that I was able to redirect my negative thoughts about it and rally for a positive race but I think the mental advantage of starting in an earlier swim wave will give me more of an edge than the advantage of competing in a different category. I'm glad to have the experience... I just don't want to do it again...

The best part about the whole day though - I think I'm ahead of where I was at the end of last summer fitness wise. And that's HUGE. Both mentally and physically. Looking forward to a long stretch with no racing to get in some real, quality training.

Next up is the Audrey Prouty Century Ride to benefit the Norris Cotton Cancer Center on July 14th... If you'd like to donate to my ride, there's still time - just click the link in my sidebar and give as much as you can! My goal is $1000 and I believe I'm still $300 or so short so every little bit counts!!

Stay strong, train hard, and be safe!!

OH, and if you want to see some pictures from race day, head over to TEAM IRON TOM.

Flip Step #4 and MOOSEMAN

2007-06-01T09:28:00.000-05:00

Step #4 in the progression of the flip turn via the Noodle Method is posted today on GoSwim. We've already done some of the filming for Step #5 and I admit I'm gonna have to practice step #4 for awhile longer before I'm used as the "this is the RIGHT way to do it" film star. Stay tuned!

Heading over to Bristol, NH tomorrow morning bright and squirrelly for my first TRI of the season, the Mooseman International Distance Triathlon. This is my second venture into the land of the true OLY distance and I'm looking forward to it. TOMomma and I (now crowned "TOMboy") will set out at 5 am to meet EN (possibly the future TOMcat), with lots of support behind us from Team Iron Tom and our faithful swimming lane-mate, CAE. I have no time prediction or ambition...just gonna take this one as it comes, work out how the wetsuit operates and see how the nutrition and hydration plans are coming along. I do want to push hard and see how much I have in me. Feeling pretty confident about the swim (except for the 65˚F water) and the run... but the bike is a work in progress. Should be interesting!!!

Full report to come after the race... good luck to anyone else toe-ing the line this weekend and remember to train hard and be safe!!!

Tomboy, OUT!

Brain-Body Connect à la the Flip Turn

2007-05-25T08:01:00.000-05:00

So yeah, I know we're triathletes... but learning how to do a good flip turn will make us better swimmers AND triathletes, even if all we ever do is swim in open water, with no walls.

It'll make us better because in learning it (especially via this progression of drills) we'll become better at understanding where our body is in the water and how subtle movements effect our stroke and body position. It's a little like dancing. Learning where you are in space and what your body is ACTUALLY doing when you THINK you're telling it to do something else... well, it's helpful with lots of other skills in triathlon.

Like, is your foot striking the pavement in the most efficient way? Can you make an efficient foot strike automatic or do you still have to think about it?

Do you have a bad habit? Can you relearn whatever it is so it's no longer a bad habit?

Is there a dead spot in your pedal stroke? Can you make your brain tell your body how to fix that or is there a disconnect?

Are you wasting any of your energy because the placement of your hand at the start of your catch isn't where it should be? Can you FEEL how it should be and can you then MAKE it happen? Your brain has to give your body that information. And if you don't practice that mind-body game, you won't be as good as you could be.

I can say first hand, because Coach has used me in these drills to demonstrate what to do and what NOT to do, that practicing things like a flip turn, even if it's not directly used in a triathlon, gives you a huge leg up in understanding your brain-body connections, and practicing those connections ultimately helps to sharpen ALL of your skills. Body awareness, just like balance, is crucial. TRY IT. I'm telling you, it can make a big difference...

You can learn body awareness by doing all kinds of things - yoga, pilates, dance, martial arts... right now I'm really enjoying practicing my brain-body connections by perfecting my flip turns. I'm getting better and better at them and my swim times are improving as I'm starting to be able to shave a second or more off of each turn... so it's making me a faster masters competitor too. And seeing what I'm doing on film is fantastically helpful.

If you've been struggling with your turns or are just starting out, these drills are a great way to start at square one and learn the correct way... but, for no other reason, see if you can do them, just as an exercise in practicing body awareness... can you make your body do the things your brain wants? Being upside down under water is a great time to find out!!!

Check out the fun here:
Drill Progression #1
Drill Progression #2
Drill Progression #3 (I'm the swimmer who drops her hands and ends up too deep in the water for the pushoff... and no, I wasn't TRYING to mess it up... but I was able to fix it later...)

Train hard and get your swim on!!!

Question and Answer

2007-05-23T11:27:00.000-05:00

OK, so my first Tri of the season is next Saturday and it'll be my first experience with my new wetsuit. I'm quite excited to race with it - have plans to plunge into the 60˚F lake this weekend to get a feel for it.

However. There are wetsuit strippers for this race. And I'm feeling all kinds of weird about it. Not sure why...

So the question: Can't I just take my own suit off?? Can ya'll calm my nerves about the strippers...it just seems like it'd be such an exercise in abject humiliation... any words of wisdom?

And the answer to the little math puzzle below:

Congrats to Momo and Isis for figuring it out!!!

Bits and Bobs

2007-05-18T08:43:00.000-05:00

Well, I have a race report to share with you all but have not had time to write it yet. So I'll just tell you that last Saturday (5/12) I ran the Big Lake Half Marathon and finished with a new PR, 3 minutes faster, at 2:23:10. I was shooting for 2:20 but got sidetracked earlier in the month with some snow-induced motivational issues. It was a fantastic race and a beautiful course... and I was excited to run it faster. Report is forthcoming...

If you get a chance, head on over to TEAM IRON TOM and check out 5 really great age group triathletes who also happen to be buddies from my swim team. These guys are all rock solid athletes AND people, and you'll really learn a lot from their adventures. Look for them in their rockin' red uniforms at a race near you!!! And don't be shy - introduce yourselves... and feel free to shower them with lotsa comment love!!

And I know we're heading into open water swimming season but if you've been putting off learning how to do a flip turn, my coach has been working on a series of drills that will help with the learning progression, starring yours truly and a few of my teammates. Head on over to GoSwim and take a look at all the cool stuff! I like to call this new fangled approach The Noodle Method... mostly because it cracks me up. But it really seems to nail down the basics of the flip turn to be sure that you learn your flips correctly, without bad habits. So far we've filmed Drill #1 and Drill #2. Check 'em out!!!

And lastly in this Friday edition, my most excellent 10 year old friend posed this riddle to me last evening as we were hanging out making grilled cheese for her 12 and 7 year old sisters. See if you can figure it out... it's quite clever!! (I didn't get it until she showed me... ) I'll send a fun song for your iTunes collection to anyone who can demonstrate the solution...

Hope ya'll have a GREAT weekend!!! Train and race hard!!!

I'm in LUUUUUUUVVVVVVVVVV

2007-05-14T09:41:00.000-05:00

Yup, I am. With these:

The TIFOSI ENVY INTERCHANGEABLE LENS SUNGLASSES.

AMAZING. Let me just start by telling you a bit about me and my history with sunglasses.

First, I'm convinced I have ears at different heights so any glasses I've ever had sit crooked on my face. Not these. These fit PERFECTLY. So perfectly that I think I actually might look hawt in them... always important.

Next, I tend to sweat. A lot. And my glasses either fog up and I just plain can't see, or the sweat pools along the bottom edge of the lens and that's just irritating. Not at all an issue with these.

Finally, I'm totally cheap. So paying $150 for a pair of sunglasses isn't going to happen. Not now, not ever. Murphy's Law dictates that the day after I buy them, I'll sit on 'em, or they'll fall off my face when I lean over to do something and then I'll step on 'em... or... you know the drill. Anything nice gets pretty wrecked... so having nice stuff... yeah, not so much. But these, these are totally affordable at $59.95/pair. I might even need to get a second pair...

Here are the technical specs, taken from here:

Frame features
* Grilamid TR-90 Open Frame Design (ummmmm, not really sure I know what that means but I like that they have no frame on the bottom because I can actually SEE what's on the ground or what ring my rear cassette is on rather than having that vision blocked by the bottom edge of the frame.)
* Hydrophilic Rubber Adjustable Temples & Nose Piece (this is key and keeps them on your face like nobody's business...I'm telling you, these glasses are not going ANYWHERE.)
* Improved Fit for 2006
* Lifetime Warranty (also an added bonus)

Lens Features:
* Enhanced Visual System [EVS] Polycarbonate Decentered Lens for Optical Clarity (the clarity is quite amazing... I have something like 20/10 vision and get really frustrated when anything messes with it... I totally forget that I have these on they're so clear...)
* Glare Guard™ Glare Reducer to Decrease Eye Fatigue (zero glare. zip, zilch, zero, nada.)
* 100% UVA & UVB Protection
* Ventilated Lens for Increased Airflow & Anti-fog (this is my favorite feature so far)
* Three Lenses Included for Various Light Conditions

A little more about the ventilated lens feature... it's SO COOL.

I rode on a hot, humid day with these and didn't have a single drop of condensation on the inside of my lens. Even more impressive was that I RAN with them on another hot, humid day and even had a ball cap on and they didn't fog up. I don't run with sunglasses at all, ever, because they just get too foggy. The air vents in these aren't just a gimmick...they really work. Super cool.

The other thing I wanted to rave about is the interchangeable lens dealy. My last pair of Smith Sliders, although CLOSE to the optimal fit for me, have a super annoying habit of loosening up to the point that the interchangeable lens will just fall out. This would stress me out so much in T2 that I'd given up on wearing glasses on the bike because I was afraid I'd end up riding with only one lens. Not ideal for eye protection (in either the one lens or NO lens options). The Tifoso Envy frame actuallly has a slot that the edge of the lens clicks into so there's no way it'll fall out or even get jarred loose. Primo.

If you've spent much of your tri life to date looking for the ultimate sunglasses that're also affordable, look no further. These rock. Actually, Tifosi has an entire line of really great options available so take a look!!! Oh, and they're all UNDER $90 US Dollars.

I got my new shades from Jerry at ONETRI.COM. The service was super friendly and quite timely and Jerry went the extra mile to get me hooked up. Head on over there for all your triathlon needs!!!

26th Annual Prouty Century Bike Ride

2007-05-03T08:13:00.000-05:00

In 1982, four nurses rode 100 miles through the White Mountains of New Hampshire to honor the courage and strength of their patient, Audrey Prouty, in her fight against cancer. This year, more than 3,000 people are expected to take part in the 26th Annual Prouty Century Bike Ride & Challenge Walk to celebrate and support the courage of cancer patients and survivors everywhere and to raise money for crucial cancer research at Norris Cotton Cancer Center.

Over the 25 years of this event, more than $4.5 million dollars has been raised. This money funds world-class research, state-of-the-art equipment, critical education programs and innovative clinical trials that help save lives of cancer patients all over the world.

Last year, The Prouty raised a record-breaking $1,250,000. This year our goal is $1,500,000. Please join us in raising money to help find a cure for cancer.

The Prouty is the signature event of the Friends of Norris Cotton Cancer Center, a group of people dedicated to supporting cancer research, patient services and community outreach at Norris Cotton Cancer Center at Dartmouth.

This ride usually takes place on the same weekend as the Annual Fairlee Great Triathlon and I'm not quite up to riding 100 miles Saturday and then finishing an olympic distance race on Sunday (one with pretty respectable hills). Not YET anyway. Well, Fairlee isn't happening this year - the race director is doing some other event - and actually the Prouty is happening a weekend later than usual, so THIS is my year to ride. I've always wanted to do this event - it's THE event in the Upper Valley - people simply refer to it as "The Prouty." As in, "Hey are you doing the Prouty?" Or, "Yo, what team are you riding with for the Prouty?" And, "Are you doing the 50 or the 100 in the Prouty this year?" Everyone does it. I've always felt studly saying, "No, I'm racing the Fairlee Triathlon the same weekend," but to be honest, I've always kinda wished I was riding too...

And I have good cause to want to help raise money for cancer research. My mom, dad and brother have each waged their own battles against this insidious disease. And here I am, the lucky one of four in my family who has yet to face cancer. Will I remain lucky? No one knows. I hope so. But for now, while I can, I'm going to do my part to contribute to cutting edge research that will hopefully someday lead to a cure. If not for all the research that's happened already, I might be the only one of my family left right now. It's important.

I know lots of us have taken up causes like this and there are so many worthy ones to contribute to. If you can add some to the pot, great. If not, I'm sure you'll be contributing in other ways. Thanks to everyone who is out there making a difference.

HEAD ON OVER TO MY SIDEBAR AND CLICK ON THE PROUTY LOGO IF YOU'D LIKE TO DONATE ------>

Train hard!!! Because you can...

Make Every Second Count

2007-04-22T16:03:00.000-05:00

Last week I lost a friend. She was a seasonal friend, one I saw at summer softball games or for an occasional dinner... we'd swap silly emails... you know, one of those friends who you know and really like but just don't find the time to hang out with more often...because you take for granted that they'll always be there and that sometime you'll get together again. Sometime soon...

Only soon rarely happens... because life is busy and friendship takes effort. Let's face it, unless you see someone every day because you work with them or see them at the gym or share lunch, you have to make the effort to schedule time with the people you don't often cross paths with. And all too often, we just don't make the time. Because we just feel like those people will always be there... that there will always be time...

Well folks, I'm here to tell you that our lives are fleeting. That one second, the people you know and love are here, and the next they could be gone forever. My friend was on her way to a spring vacation with her family... her parents, her partner and their 2 year old adopted son. And in a split second their worlds came to a screeching halt. She was 25, she was just beginning her life, and there is no sense in what happened. It's one of those situations where you can find only a shred of comfort thinking that perhaps God, if there really is one, needed her more than we did down here. Because she's not "in a better place now." And it wasn't "for the best" or "a relief and a blessing that she's no longer suffering." She wasn't "at least doing something she loved." She was in the wrong place at the wrong time and a careless driver made a mistake. It was sudden and violent and then it was over. There's just no way to wrap your head around it...

The funeral was Friday and my ex and I went together, I think to find some closure but even more to offer support to her partner, to be sure she knew we were still here even though we were on the periphery of their circle. It was a beautiful service, the church was packed and it was clear that her partner was treated and is loved every bit as much as if she had been Leslie's husband. There wasn't an ounce of homophobia. Les made a huge impact on her world in the short 25 years she was here. Always offering a bright bubbly smile and a positive outlook amid even the most grim situations. One person that spoke about her felt that the only explanation was that she was an angel, sent here for only a short time to bless our lives, and then welcomed home for some bigger purpose. I wish I could believe that. Somehow it makes things feel a little less random.

I've spent the past week thinking about Leslie and all the people she's left behind. And even though I still can't make much sense of it all, I have come away with a sense that we all could live more mindful lives. On this 70˚F Earth Day, it seems appropriate to write of mindfulness, when only 7 short days ago there was a blizzard raging where I now sit in shorts and a tshirt... global warming is real and it's up to us to start making changes...and that starts with being mindful of how we live our lives...

I want to be more mindful of all these little things... and also of things that seem so trivial but could be the one in a million decision that leads to the end... like buckling my seatbelt when only driving a mile to the store, like watching every car that passes me when I ride my bike and always assuming that they don't see me... complacency is dangerous. Like not messing with my iPod or talking on the phone while driving... lose the attitude that "it can't happen to me." It can. And it might. And the more times it doesn't, the more chance that it will... And it might not be me that is the victim of someone's carelessness. It might be me that causes someone else's pain. And that's even more frightening.

I will take that extra few seconds, minutes even, to be mindful. To just slow down long enough to consider the ramifications. We take for granted that we won't drive off a bridge...but every now and then it occurs to me that it's entirely in my power to turn the wheel and in an instant it would be over. Death doesn't feel all that far off when you look at it that way. We are so very fragile. Two hands on the wheel, 5-10 mph slower, easy does it. Small acts of mindfulness could just be the difference behind 50 more years... or 5 more seconds.

As triathletes, I'm venturing a guess that we take more risks than many people in our day to day lives. We ride in traffic on springtime-sandy roads, sometimes with no shoulder, sometimes with pavement cracks and potholes, sometimes on busy highways where 18 wheelers zoom by us. We swim - sometimes in open water, sometimes in unguarded pools, sometimes with 2000 other people trying to claw their way over us. We run at dusk or dawn, when it's dark, when folks aren't likely to be watching for us or are more likely to be drunk, on trails where there might not be anyone there to hear us yell for help... or where there could be mountain lions. We sometimes drive to a training session when we're half asleep... or concussed from a bike crash.

I will be more mindful. I will wear my road ID, I will dress in bright colors with reflective clothing and a headlamp, and wear my helmet, and swim with a buddy or where there is a lifeguard. Somedays, it's just more convenient to skip this stuff. We've all done it. Guys and gals... please don't. Please. Take the extra few seconds or minutes to just make sure you're being as safe and careful as possible. Find a new route to ride with less traffic. Get to work early so you can run at lunchtime instead of in the dark. Don't take the easy or lazy way out. Vigilance could save your life. Complacency or laziness could end it.

And whatever you do, call your family or your friends or anyone who you've been meaning to get in touch with. Tell them you love them. Do it today. Make sure when you leave in the morning, you kiss your kids goodbye and tell your partner you love him or her. Don't be in such a rush that you forget to be mindful. Because we're here on borrowed time, kids. And it could all end in the blink of an eye. Make the most of every second you have.

I remember the last time I saw Leslie. It was at a store or a restaurant and I saw her thru the glass door... she was holding her son and talking to someone else and didn't see me. And even though I hadn't seen her in awhile, I didn't go back in to say hello because she was engaged in conversation and I didn't want to interrupt or I was in a hurry or something... Somehow it would have made all the difference to know that the next time I'd see her would be at her funeral. Take the time. Connect with the people you care about. Make sure you're doing all you can to be safe and keep those around you safe.

Be mindful and love well. Life is a wonderful gift.

Dodged another one...

2007-04-16T14:17:00.000-05:00

The STORM OF THE CENTURY (CENTURY, Century, century...echoing...) fizzled out in the middle of the night. I have NEVER been so happy to wake up to pouring rain!!! I snowed ALL DAY yesterday and despite the rate of massive snowfall, it didn't all stick and by this morning much of it had melted already. PHEW. The wind is CRAZY - I'm really feeling for all the folks who ran the Boston Marathon today...it's hard to walk across the parking lot let alone run 26.2 miles!! Special congrats to Joe B who ran a great race despite the horrid conditions!!!

Had a fun weekend - ran 9 miles on Friday evening and actually felt pretty good. My new running shoes are too small... :( Same exact shoe I got last time, same year, but a different color and they're just a tad too tight on my bigger right foot. SIGH. Not complaining...just sad that the website didn't encourage me to order a half size up!!! I suppose that's the pennance I get for not staying loyal to Road Runner Sports and their 60 Day Perfect Fit Guarantee. Live and learn...

Saturday swim has become distance day so we did some timed 1500 yard swims. I swam a new PR by 15 seconds at 25:05 so I felt pretty good about that.

AND (drumroll please...) I finally ordered my very first wetsuit!!! This suit will hopefully be for this season only as I continue to stay on the wagon and shrink that backpack (bellypack?) I've been carrying around. I had hoped to hold off and reach my fighting weight before I invested in a suit but I'm just not there yet and my first race on June 2nd will be mighty chilly without one, especially with this weather. I expect ice-out will happen, oh, about the last week in May. Yeah. Chilly.

Anyway, I got the Quintana Roo Ultra John - they still had some 2006 suits on closeout so I saved some cash that way... QR is the only suit I could find that came in a variety of short sizes. I'm built much more like a guy than a woman... kinda like an apple, no hips, and little legs... all my weight is in my tummy (to put it gently/nicely) but I'm only 5'3" so finding a suit that fits around me that isn't going to be WAY too long has been a challenge. This is a good solution for now. I will, however, need to stay on the wagon for the next two months as I've got about 8-10 lbs to go for it to fit well. I'm committed...

The eventual plan is to go with DeSoto and get the Pullover AND the Vest along with the separate bibjohn. This is the ultimate solution for my height/weight ratio problems... Emilio DeSoto III responded to my email by calling me himself to discuss sizing and I was totally impressed with how much he wanted to help me out so when I'm ready to make that big of an investment, he will certainly get the business. Awesome company...

Saturday night I went to my first contradance! I'm, er, a pretty terrible contradancer, I discovered. It was a fun crowd of small town community members - some really great dancers too and people from 8 to 80 years old! I'm good at the Chicken Dance but that's about it!! Hopefully I'll get better with practice...I was starting to get it toward the end of the evening but it's hard to remember what's next!! My eyes/brain can't translate to my feet what someone is doing with their feet. It's practically a miracle that I can swim as well as I can because I have absolutely zero body awareness when it comes to dancing!! But my swimming ability gives me hope that some day I'll be a dancer. Even if it's only at a community contradance... or a gay country bar... Here's hopin' anyway...

Once the snow melts and the ground dries up a bit, I'm gonna try playing some soccer. For now I really need to spend some time on my bike. Or at least spinning. Feels like I'm running out of time!!!!

Train hard!

liveSTRONG and don't complain...

2007-04-13T09:16:00.000-05:00

I confess. I complain a lot. Mostly about the weather - something completely out of my control. But I can get in a serious rut where, even though I'm being humorously sarcastic or witty, I'm still complaining. And it definitely has an effect on me and the people around me. It's something I'm not at all proud of... and something that I'd really like to change...

I'm not a religious person at all. I'm not really even a spiritual person...even though I'd like to be. I'm a good person, a kind person, a compassionate person...and I work hard to do good and to be good... but Darwin is my guy. I heard on the radio the other day that something like only 13% of americans actually embrace Darwin's theory of the Origin of the Species...and that the rest, a whopping 77%, think that "GOD" had something, if not a LOT, to do with our existence on earth. Well, if it works for you, great - I'm happy for you and I certainly won't tell you what you should or shouldn't believe. But I'm sticking to the facts... and I think Darwin had it right... I'm already in that 10% minority of gay people...why not join the 13% of Evolutionists too? I'm all about the road less travelled...

Anyway - what's my point, you ask? Well, a few weeks ago I ventured into about the only spiritual realm that I'm likely to go and watched an episode of Oprah. And she had this guy, Pastor Will Bowen of Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, MO, as a guest. And I think what he had to say warrants some attention - mostly because it made me realize that I could really benefit from listening to him. I'll post it here but if you want to read more, go here.

Did someone cut you off on the freeway this morning? Was your coffee a little too hot? People complain about major and minor things every day. But Pastor Will Bowen of Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, Missouri, is trying to change all that.

In a Sunday morning sermon, Will told his congregation he wanted to make the world a complaint-free place. To prove he was serious, Will passed out purple bracelets to each church member and offered them a challenge.

"If you catch yourself complaining, you take [the bracelet] and you move it to the other wrist," Will says. "The idea is to ultimately keep it [on the same wrist] for 21 days." Will chose this length of time, he says, because scientists believe it takes that long to form a new habit.

Will believes if everyone would stop complaining, the world would be a much better place. "[I think] everybody agrees the world is not the way we would like it to be. I wonder if there's some relation between the two."

The congregation of Christ Church Unity has been handing out these bracelets at an amazing rate - so far they've given away over 4 MILLION. And they're free so the church relies on donations and volunteer help to purchase and mail them all over the world. Kinda like Pay It Forward....

I've decided that instead of a purple bracelet, I can use my LIVESTRONG bracelet in the same way - also because it will remind me that I'm healthy and really don't have anything to complain about... unlike all the folks that Lance has set out to help (my dad, brother, mother, cousin, and aunt included).

If you want to play along with me, here are the rules...and of course feel free to invite others to join you. Mental toughness and a positive attitude are essential in triathlon...and I think this will be a good way for me to work on both.

"If you catch yourself complaining, you take [the bracelet] and you move it to the other wrist," Will says. "The idea is to ultimately keep it [on the same wrist] for 21 days." Will chose this length of time, he says, because scientists believe it takes that long to form a new habit.
No gossiping!
If you see someone wearing the no-complaint bracelet and they start complaining and you point that fact out to them, you've gotta switch your own no-complaint bracelet to your other wrist and start the 21 days over -- because you've just complained about their complaining!
Pay attention to how you're speaking. If you blithely say, "Oh, my leg hurts," that might just be a statement of fact. But if you're droning on about the pain in your calf, that's probably a complaint.
If you want to know the difference between a comment and a complaint, Pastor Will says to pay attention to your feelings about the issue. "If you're putting a lot of energy into it, if you want it changed, you're complaining," he says.

Good luck, train hard, and be strong in mind and body...

All quiet on the Blogger front...

2007-04-12T08:39:00.000-05:00

Either that, or my bloglines isn't working.

It's snowing. Heavily. 8-12" today and tonight. 3-6" more on Saturday. Another storm on the way for Monday. Bliss.

Excuse me while I go gouge my eyes out.

I wish I could enjoy how pretty is, this soft, wet, sticky snow that's clinging to everything as it falls outside my office window. (takes a moment to consider enjoying it... watches it fall fast and furious...thinks: nope, definitely not enjoyable... in fact, this is what my own personal version of hell would be...)

I finally solidified plans to go check out Atlanta. And I'm even going to swim in a swim meet and go to a masters practice with the Atlanta Rainbow Trout! Kewl. I'm looking forward to some warm weather, some green grass and a break from this Siberian-like tundra. Two weeks from today...

My runs are getting faster, my butterfly stroke is getting stronger, and the sun is rising earlier. Guess I'll focus on that stuff and hope the rest melts quickly...

Train hard!

OMG

2007-04-09T14:28:00.000-05:00

This just brightened my pretty dark Monday...I cannot stop laughing...

OK, what gives?

2007-04-06T11:12:00.000-05:00

So running - I need all you runner types to weigh in...

When I run on the treadmill, I tend to focus a lot on my speed and heartrate since it's such a controlled environment. It's helping me to learn my pacing so I know how to handle that better on the road.

I start off at 12 min miles. For about 5 minutes of warmup. Easy peasy. HR is below 60% of my max - not breathing hard, not sweating. Just warming up my muscles...

For the next 5 minutes, I slowly inch the speed up while watching my HR (I haven't done a very accurate HR max test and know that I really need to - the highest number I've EVER seen on my HRM is about 174 but I feel like my max MUST be higher than that based on how I feel at other heart rates).

Anyway, from a few different charts and formulas, I've decided that my AEROBIC MAX is about 151 - the number that I shouldn't go over during long slow distance workouts...the number that will keep me out of "no-man's land" and anaerobic land. So as I inch up the speed on the treadmill, I push until I get to about a HR of 148 and then hold that speed. Over the past few months, I've gone from about an 11:30 min/mile at this HR, to about a 9:50 min mile at this SAME HR... which is HUGE. I'm very psyched about this.

But here's the thing:

I can't seem to HOLD this pace and STAY at this HR for more than two miles at this point. So what's happening? I'd venture a guess that if I started out too FAST, I'd crash and burn and not be able to sustain such a pace. But I'm choosing the pace based on a pretty conservative HR...so why can't I hold it? Is it because my legs aren't strong enough yet? Should I be strength training to make them stronger? My HR will slowly creep to 149...151...153...156...starting into no-man's land... and then I have to slowly back off the speed to keep it sub 151...and by mile 4, I'm in the 11:30/12 min mile range.

I realize there's likely a simple answer...that I'm not some mutant runner... but what is it? And should I just keep at it and my body will adapt? Or is it more effective to start out at a lower HR (thus, slower speed) and let it creep up TO 151 instead of starting right around there?

Any advice would be much appreciated. I've got a long run planned this afternoon so I can test out any theories you might have... THANKS!!

One foot in front of the other...

2007-04-06T10:31:00.000-05:00

Since August, my world has been a bit of a roller coaster. Actually, a mountain climb would be more apt... one of those mountains with a few dozen false peaks... where you feel like you're making so much progress only to find that when you get to what you thought was the top, there's still a long way to go to the summit. And then you descend for a while, feeling angry that while you're hiking UP the mountain, there are ravines and rivers that require you to go DOWN before you can start gaining elevation again. It's hard to see the big picture - to realize that you're getting closer and closer to the top even though you're on a downward slope. It's still progress. So you keep going, one foot in front of the other, having faith that you'll get there eventually even though all your effort at times seems futile.

I'd say, today, I'm a little more than halfway to the summit of my climb. Just starting to peek above treeline, catching glimpses of the path ahead but still not in sight of the real summit. I'm so so much further along the path than I was 8 months ago. Today, despite the snow and freezing cold that persists up here in the northeast, perspective is good...as is gratitude.

Gratitude is a bit of a new concept for me... Momo posted a passage last week that left me feeling greatful where before I had just felt a little bitter, a little angry, kind of wronged. I wanted to remember it so here's the part that really spoke to me... (but read the whole thing at Mo's site too - it's good):

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong-doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. – Drew Chalker

Interpersonal relationships can be so hard. But if they were easy, then we wouldn't grow through them. And growing is kind of the whole point, don't you think? Growing toward happiness, growing toward a better you... it's the journey, not the summit where you learn the most. And once you reach the summit - you realize that there are SO many other summits to find. So you start the new journey.

I think that's why triathlon is the one thing I've really been able to stick with... to make a permanent part of my life. I learn so much more about myself during the months and months of training than I do on that one race day.

Pretty cool to look back and see what's behind me...

You Could Not Pay Me Enough...

2007-04-05T14:58:00.000-05:00

...to walk out onto this thing:

Pride and Joy

2007-04-05T08:22:00.000-05:00

First, there is cause to be proud today.

I got out of bed at 5:15 to go to dryland and swim practice...only to look out the window, see 8 new inches of snow, and get right back into my warm, cozy bed.

I closed my eyes and settled back in for another hour and a half of sleep...and then just couldn't do it.

"You're missing the bus."
I know, but it's SNOWING and it's APRIL and it's NOT.FAIR.

"There's no other time to work out today."
who cares, I'll work out tomorrow

"You have a half marathon to run in 8 weeks."
UGH. I know. but if it's still winter in 8 weeks, I'm NOT doing it. I.HATE.WINTER.

"Timberman is happening in 20 weeks. TWENTY.WEEKS."
crap, that's a scary thought

"How about you skip the swim, get on your trainer and watch TV?"
(really whining now) ...but bed is so much nicer...

"OK, now it's 5:30...you still have 1.5 hours to get this done...you KNOW you want to..."
NO. no, I really don't.

"Yeeeeeeeessssss you do... yes yes yes yes yes... think how NOT guilty you'll feel once you get it done... "
grumble grumble @#$%^^&&*... WHY can't you just let me go back to sleep!!!???

"Because you're a triathlete and your triathlete friends are already going to wonder why you didn't show up to swim so the least you can tell them is that you did SOMETHING productive..."
OK, ALRIGHT, I'M GETTING.UP.... THERE, are you HAPPY now?

It's still snowing. I did 35 minutes on the trainer and 30 mins of abs. and stretching and that was the compromise. I can live with that.

The REAL victory though, came later on the way to work when I bypassed Dunkin Donuts (c'mon just pull in, ONE donut on a snowy day like today won't make a difference...), then bypassed the convenience store where they have my favorite 1500 calorie/cup cappuccino, AND bypassed the bagel place where I'd typically reward myself with a sausage, egg and cheese deal for just getting myself out of bed on a day like this. AND, when the office went out to get muffins just now, I passed.

Holy crap. Miracles do happen.

And now, for the joy (she says, as sarcasm drips from her coffee caffeinated lips...)

Swim Meet Wrap Up

2007-03-26T08:58:00.000-05:00

Phew!

Whirlwind weekend! I think a 3 day swim meet is harder than any triathlon I've done, hands down. It's an endurance test of epic proportions - from nutrition and hydration, to stretching and staying warm, to being able to turn on the speed or work the pacing (anaerobic vs. aerobic), to keeping your mind in the right framework to not miss a turn and get DQed. What FUN!

Overall, we were happy with our results. We finished 14th out of 56 teams and we were 4th out of 7 teams of our size. We edged out the 15th/5th place team, North Suburban/Burbank YMCA by only 12 points so that was quite a victory - we scrambled to catch them throughout the whole weekend... MIT, the team ahead of us was in reach if we'd been able to make it thru the blizzard to the distance day last weekend (1000 and 1650 yard swims) AND if we'd had a few of our currently injured swimmers on board to swim more relays. It's disappointing to know that we have the skill, strength and speed to finish higher but that busy work/life schedules and bad weather inhibit our numbers. It's all about volume and point quality!! We've got the point quality, now we need to recruit the numbers.... it'll happen - we've come a long way as a team in a few short years...

Coach B just aged up into the 55-59 age group and she broke 3 or 4 New England records with her swims this weekend. Overall, she finished with 191 personal points - 4th place woman at the meet...and only 14 points out of first place. Totally amazing.

Personally, I had a fantastic meet. In December I was really frustrated with myself and felt like a weak link in the team...but for this meet I know I did my best and the improvements were remarkable. Here's the run down - my times this year with the time differences of previous PRs...

200 yd Freestyle - 2:56.32 (-0:10.3) - NEW PR
100 yd Freestyle - 1:19.29 (-0:02.91) - NEW PR
50 yd Freestyle - 0:37.02 (-0:00.10) - NEW PR
200 yd Breaststroke - 3:31.18 (-0:03.70) - NEW PR
100 yd Breaststroke - 1:41.15 (first time swimming this event) - PR
50 yd Breaststroke - 0:46.12 (+0:00.86) - old PR of 0:45.26 still stands
200 yd IM - 3:27.93 (-0:13.67) - NEW PR
100 yd IM - 1:34.19 (+0:00.22) - old PR of 1:33.97 still stands

I feel great about all these numbers - I'd attribute some of the improvement to fitness but more of it to technique. I swam a technically perfect 200 IM and I'd attribute at least 7 of the 13 seconds I gained to working excellent turns and pushoffs. I love that concentration and focus can make such a difference!!

It was a great weekend - and now it's time to shift from speedy swim workouts to distance... and to spend the bulk of my time focused on running and biking - you know, the stuff you have to put up with after the swim!!

Don't let Bold tell you that it's all about the bike... my friends, the fishies have it, hands down!

Swim Meet, Day 2

2007-03-24T21:39:00.000-05:00

We're chugging along... moved from 15th to 14th place overall so that's good news. Our coach just moved into a new age group this year and is smashing all the records for New England Masters...it's pretty fun (and funny) to watch. In one event, she beat the NE record by about 11 seconds...and then the next person behind her in her age group at the meet swam 44 seconds slower. Awesome...

I had another great day! Two events and two relays... here's the run down:

50 Breaststroke:
seed time: 0:46
previous PR: 0:45.26
swim time today: 0:46.12

50 yard sprints are tough...I felt like I was flailing a bit and didn't swim all that well technically so I think that was the difference on this race... first race of the day and all... I was a little stiff...and I over-thought it... should've just relaxed and worked the glide and walls...instead I was trying to swim too fast... better to not fight the water. Still, within a second of my PR is fine with me!

200 Freestyle:
seed time: 3:15
previous PR: never swam in a meet but fastest practice time, 3:07
swim time today: 2:56.32

This swim felt great!! Which means I could've pushed harder!!! Oh well - I was incredibly happy to swim under 3 minutes...didn't know I'd improved that much... I swam a steady pace that felt good but not too too hard...didn't want to take it out too fast and then die. Next time I'll turn on the speed at the 100 yd wall and swim the 2nd 100 faster with each 25. I was second in my heat (by 10 seconds) so that was kind of fun...and I inched out the 3rd place finisher by only a second so it was nice seeing that effort.

Also swam the lead off leg of the 400 freestyle relay (1:20.49) and the breaststroke leg of the 200 medley relay (0:46.34).

I'm pretty tired! One more day...it'd be nice if we could break into the top 10 but the chips are against us for this meet. Tomorrow I swim the 100 IM, the 100 Breast and the 50 Free... I feel sure I can swim PRs for the 100s but the 50 free is a toss up... I'll just do my best. I've been amazed at how much visualization of each race has helped me. Well worth the mental exercise just before the race...

Just in case you were wondering, swimming ROCKS.

Swim Meet, Day 1

2007-03-23T21:07:00.000-05:00

Things are going great at Blodgett Pool, Harvard University. This'll be quick because I'm exhausted... but I swam personal bests in all three events I swam today... here's the run down:

200 Breaststroke:
seed time: 3:35
previous PR: 3:34.88
swim time today: 3:31.18

It felt GREAT - I did some visualization before the race on my start, my pullouts and my turns and it felt like I swam a technically perfect race. Nice.

100 Freestyle
seed time: 1:22
previous PR: 1:22.21
swim time today: 1:19.29

I've been swimming times in broken 100s at practice that have suggested I could swim a 1:16-1:18... so I was aiming a little higher but it's still REALLY nice to have a new PR on this one...

200 IM
seed time: 3:42
previous PR: 3:41.60
swim time today: 3:27.93

Almost 15 whole seconds faster!!!! It's a little bit about fitness and a LOT about experience and pacing. I took it out slowly and got faster and faster. Again, the visualization before hand of all my turns and technique helped a TON. Swimming is so much more a thinking sport than it seems.

We're in 15th place at the end of today - more swimmers arriving tomorrow so we'll see how it goes. It really hurt us that our distance swimmers couldn't make it to distance day last weekend because of a snowstorm. We'd be in the top 10 for sure... but there's still lots of time!!!

No wi-fi at the pool but I'll try to update more tomorrow night. Everyone else is swimming great too - lots of PRs all around - and Coach set two new New England Masters records. We're very proud!!!

train hard!

More School?

2007-03-22T10:11:00.000-05:00

OK, I need more advice. It's non-triathlon advice but it relates to triathlon in that it would move me to a part of the country where I could train outside ALL YEAR LONG. This would allow me to battle my depression more effectively as well as make the most of a swimming and tri lifestyle. ALL good.

SO. For those of you with advanced degrees...who have done any kind of graduate studies beyond a 4 year bachelor's degree...tell me this: Was it worth it?

I'm considering a 2 year, full time program of study. Financial aid is available but there aren't assistantships or fellowships. I would need to secure additional loan(s) for my living expenses. I'm reasonably sure that the returns on my future employment would be substantial.

Tell me what you think in regards to these areas:
1.) did you get out of grad school what you thought you would?
2.) are you working in a job that you could not be working in if you hadn't gone?
3.) is the debt you've accrued as a result worth it in the long run? remember, it's only 2 years, not 7 or 8 or 11... can you make any suggestions to me about finding funding?
4.) if you had to do it again, what, if anything, would you do differently?
5.) any other words of advice?

Swam our final practice before the meet this morning... i feel fast. I'll try and post updates from the pool but I'm not sure if there's wifi so I may have to wait until the evenings. Tune in to follow our progress over the weekend!!!

Thanks for the advice!!! (TriZ and Rocketpants - i'm sure I know what you'll say re: grad school... but just humor me... ;))

Midweek Apathy

2007-03-21T17:16:00.000-05:00

Need to make myself dinner.

Don't really feel like it. And it's a good thing my house is out of delivery range.

Does a bag of microwave popcorn make the list of Wholesome Triathele Dinners? No?

How about An Entire Pan Of Brownies? Didn't think so....

I'll keep thinking on it... maybe if I think long enough I'll fall asleep and the problem will resolve itself.

Hey, if you find that this post isn't really doing much for you, head over and visit TriZilla - she had an unfortunate bagel/ginsu knife incident and could really use some comment love - and lots and lots of encouragement and good thoughts... life throws some crap at us when we least need it. It would mean a lot to her...and to me.

Swim, Swim, Swim!!

2007-03-20T08:19:00.000-05:00

OK, finally fell asleep at around 1 am. Not fun. And almost slept thru the alarm this morning. But I didn't miss the bus and we had a pretty fun dryland session and swim workout. Feeling a little better this morning. It's still cold and dark and gray...and snowing... but I'll survive. Better days are indeed ahead. Things always look brighter in the morning...

We're heading down to Cambridge this weekend to swim at the Short Course Yards (SCY) USMS Masters Championship Meet at Harvard. The meet last year was super fun...we had grand plans this year to head into the main meet weekend with points on the board... this past weekend the distance events were held - 1000 yds and 1650 yds - and we had a whole crew of folks raring to go...but their plans were foiled by snow, sleet, and freezing rain on Friday night and Saturday morning...so only one swimmer was able to make it down. Fortunately he swam like a fish and placed 4th in his age group to get us 13 points on the board! Not the 100 or so we were hoping to have but it's something!!! We may have to give up our dreams of a top 5 finish and just go for top 10. Here's hoping we can maybe match our 6th place finish from December.

I'm swimming more events than I have before but they're spread over 3 days instead of 2 so it doesn't feel quite so daunting. Here are my events and seed times (in case you're just tuning in and are unfamiliar with masters meets, you send in your expected swim times and swim against people of your same TIME rather than same AGE....that way the meet moves along quickly and you're never DEAD LAST in your heat if you have a super competitive age group. Your final results are by age and you typically get team points for 1st - 15th place.)

Friday:
200 yd Breaststroke - 3:35
100 yd Freestyle - 1:22
200 yd IM (my Mt. Everest) - 3:42
1 leg of the 200 yd freestyle relay (50 yds)
** glad to have the 200 Br. and 200 IM over on this first day as they are the two hardest for me.

Saturday:
50 yd Breaststroke - 0:46
1 leg of the 400 yd freestyle relay (100 yds)
200 yd Freestyle - 3:15
1 leg of the 200 yd medley relay (50 yds of whatever coach chooses for me)

Sunday:
100 (not 110!!) yd IM - 1:34
50 yd Free - 0:37
100 yd Breaststroke - 1:45
1 leg of the 400 yd medley relay (100 yds of ?? TBA...)

Quite the endurance weekend!! I'm looking forward to hanging with my friends and having good swims - I feel really strong and have been swimming PR times lately so I hope to beat most of my seed times and hopefully come away with a bunch of PRs!! It gets harder each meet to not have any expectations...but I feel good about my individual performance of late... so it should be fun!!

Train hard!!

Almost Tuesday

2007-03-19T23:45:00.000-05:00

11:20 pm. Can't sleep. Usually I'm out after a paragraph or two of my book - but it's been 2 hours of reading and I'm not remotely tired. Might have something to do with the fact that today was a rest day... and that on Saturday night, I slept for 12 hours, 'cause it seemed that I needed to. Or it could just be that there's a lot on my mind... probably a combination of it all...

Training is going pretty well. My depression meds have really made a huge difference over the past three months and for that I'm so greatful. But it's March. And it still feels like January. It's cold. And snowy. And gray and everything is dirty and ugly. And despite the fact that my body is responding to the demands I'm placing on it...and that I'm getting stronger and more fit... I look out the window and see the same bare trees, the same ugly brown, and tears fill my eyes. Mostly because I know that somewhere in the world, there's a warm, sunny beach, a cherry blossom tree in full bloom, there are pear trees and dogwoods and green grass and tulips. And I'm missing it. I'm here in this cold, gray, wasteland... and I'm frustrated because I know I have the power to change my circumstances...and yet, I'm still here. Like the sea anchor of my past is dragging along the bottom...keeping me just below the surface of change.

I seem to lack the ability to be patient with myself. Redirecting your life takes time. Moving is a big prospect. Leaving behind all that I've known for the past 13 years is a gut twisting concept. And yet, the fact that I have the power to change things is both terrifying and quite possibly the biggest relief I've ever felt. What will I do? Where will I go? Who will I love? Who will love me? It's a blank slate...and I just have to build the underpinnings of my castles in the air... At times I feel a little like I'm standing outside of myself watching things unfold. Like I'm the movie...and I have no idea what's going to happen next. Even though my patterns always unfold toward totally predictable outcomes...

Kinda tired of the predictability of my choices...

I don't want to complain...because I really don't have much to complain about...plus it's boring. Feel free to tune out... it's just that this time of year...it really turns me into someone I'm not. Someone I don't really like.

Time to make a gratitude list. Because there really is so much to be greatful for. It's just hard to keep the perspective after 5 months of cold, gray, barren, lifelessness. I'm ready for technicolor. Time to recover from the storm, assess the damage, claim the ruby slippers and step into the light...

11:43. Still not really tired. Although I'm sure the 5 am alarm clock will kick my ass...

Feedback please...

2007-03-15T13:37:00.000-05:00

Audrey posed this question a week or two ago... and it's one that I've struggled with too... both in friendships and relationships...

"How long do you have to date [or know] someone before you let them see the crazy?"

Exactly how long? And do you have any recourse if you blow it and spook 'em with too much too soon?

Inquiring triathlon minds want to know.

ps. ran 5 consecutive sub-10:30 min miles yesterday!!!

Shift of Game Plan...

2007-03-06T12:25:00.000-05:00

OK, temporary setback...NOT going to the ATL next week as previously planned...which is disappointing but I have to believe that there's some reason for it that has not yet made itself clear to me... maybe the plane I was supposed to get on will have something wrong with it... who knows... I'm trying not to worry about it though. Will postpone my trip to some later date, maybe April or May, hopefully when I can schedule some interviews and maybe hook up with some masters swimmers to get a tour of the city. Here's hoping anyway...

Workouts have been really strong of late... I did my first 2 hour endurance spin on Sunday...and my legs were total mush after about 1.5 hrs... bummer!!! Seeing as the Timberman bike will be closer to THREE+ hours, it's a good thing I'm already working this issue, eh?! Runrgurl, IronTom and EB (that would be short for Energizier Bunny) have got me dialed in to their schedules so I'm working hard to keep up. It's SOOOOOO nice to finally have a group of fun training partners. I feel sure that THIS is what I've been missing from my Tri Life. Feels great.

It was -23˚F with the windchill this morning when I got up to go to the pool. Does anyone else agree that that's just WRONG? I've SO had it with the northeast... and winter in general...

TRAIN HARD!!

My Thursday Evenings of Late

2007-03-02T09:10:00.000-05:00

Burgers, grilled cheese, chicken nuggets and shirley temples at Chilis: $40

Rainbow sherbert and Ben & Jerry's Vanilla ice cream to go with the amazing lemon cake baked by an expert 10 year old pastry chef: $9

Snow Dogs DVD, chosen at the video store by the sweetest 7 year old who had a really hard day and had to sit in my lap crying for awhile before she felt better: $3

Sending a harried single mom to evening swim practice while putting smiles on the faces of 3 little girls who are going thru their parents' divorce: PRICELESS...

Kids rock. Be sure to love yours and any that you can find nearby... it'll fuel YOUR soul as well as theirs...

And train hard!

Progress is Motivating!

2007-03-01T09:06:00.000-05:00

Easy treadmill recovery run yesterday...thought I'd start out at 12:00 min miles and slowly increase the pace until I got to 75% of my heart rate, just to see how things are progressing.

12 min/mi = about 60%...wow, that's kind of new. Cool.
11 min/mi = about 65%. Even better. Held that for about 5 minutes and it settled back below 65%...nice.
10 min/mi = 70%...held this to the end of mile 1...still no increase, holding steady at 70%. Huh.

Still feeling really good, fairly easy, pretty strong...

9:30 min/mi = ~74%... let's see how long I can stay right here... only slightly uncomfortable.

Well that, my friends, was the first sub 10 min mile I've run in a long time. I held it into mile 3 for a little bit but my HR started to creep up...75%, 76%...so I backed off a little bit and finished out 3 miles at about 10 min/mi... nice. Felt awesome.

And this morning in the pool, my 100 yd. free repeats were coming in consistently at about 1:32... at a relatively easy effort. It's all about not fighting the water.

There's nothing quite as motivating as progress...

Train hard!!

No Longer Frazzled!!!

2007-02-26T16:29:00.000-05:00

So I'm no longer feeling like this:

Time to dust this baby off, clean up the cobwebs and get on with it!!! If you've been stopping by, the only changes you may have noticed if you noticed anything at all is that the workouts in my sidebar are growing! I'm SOOOOOOOO far ahead of where I was last year at this time... and it feels really good.

So, let's recap the last 6 months, shall we?
August - ended 12 year relationship and moved to my own place.
September - hiked, biked and played with some fun new friends, spent intensive time in therapy learning how to be alone but not lonely
October - began my descent into seasonal depression hell, continued therapy
November - cried, cried, cried, cried, cried some more, went to psychiatrist for new meds, lost Grandma, paid therapist more money than I had, and....um....oh, yeah.... cried.
December - continued to cry, realized my meds were not working correctly and were making me more anxious than anything, spent the holidays working to get my big annual project done in time to go to Las Vegas, spent New Year's Eve in my office feeling glad I had an excuse to not be social
January - FINALLY the new year. Decided to go off bad meds, realized as I tapered off of them that I was just on too high a dose and that the lower dose did the trick, reached out to as many friends as possible and every single one of them reached back, had a fantastic trip to Vegas and enjoyed the sunshine (but no gambling!!), was introduced to a fun new friend who lives in ATLANTA, returned from Vegas a new person having realized that the world is so much bigger than me and holds so much promise and opportunity...feeling about 1000% better than I did in December.
February - continued the upward spiral of feeling good, playing ice hockey, working out with a bunch of HARD CORE triathletes (one of 'em swam the English Channel!!!), still losing weight and feeling so so much better...finally catching glimpses of feeling happy being alone, not lonely, no more crying, lots more therapy, lots of laughing with friends, training and feeling good. Miles ahead of where I was at this time last year fitness wise...

And looking forward....

March - going to visit HOTLANTA to get the grand tour of the city, try out some two-steppin', hear some live music, take a peek at a few masters swim teams in action (and maybe swim with one), and get a pulse of the place to see if it could be my new home come September. It's really time to see if the weather in VT is part of what makes me so painfully miserable from October to April. This is the first winter in many that I'm feeling as good as I do right now... and I honestly think if I could shift the seasons so that I got 9 months of summer and 3 months of spring/fall instead of 7 months of winter, 2 months of mud season, and 3 months of summer/fall that I'd be so much better off. I have to at least try it. If I'm the same, then maybe New England really is my forever home. But I have to try first. And daylight savings is in just THREE short weeks!!!! Holy cow!!! Bring.it.on.

Waffling between excited and terrified, motivated and paralyzed...but mostly I feel like I'm getting to know myself better...and that's what it's about right now. Things are finally starting to fall into place...

Anyone out there familiar with the Atlanta triathlon scene?

Hope everyone is doing well...I'm still reading...just lurking for a spell...will get back to regular posts soon...

Train hard!!!

Life is Good

2007-02-03T12:12:00.000-05:00

Things are so so so much better in my world since 2007 started. It's a little unsettling how quickly things turned around. I think it's mostly due to the fact that I reached out to a whole bunch of friends and family and every one of them rallied to be sure I was not alone, I was involved and I knew I was loved. That, and my depression meds seem to have stabilized...better living thru chemistry. I'm one lucky kid... and so thankful for everything...

Trip to Vegas was fine - pretty uneventful and very sunny and nice. The ski show went great, my booth looked just fine and all the sales reps were happy with my product catalog design. Plus, getting out of my local world for awhile makes me realize just how much bigger the real world is...it's such a relief to know that there's so much more out there. I have some plans marinating, things are underway for some big changes, and I feel much less afraid to meet the challenges ahead of me. Amazing.

The training front is also going really well. You can see what I've been up to in my sidebar or by viewing my public log at buckeyeoutdoors.com...the coolest training log site ever (my log is hollyfish). Mini non-team swim meet tomorrow at Phillips Exeter Academy...I think only 4 of us are going...it's not a big deal for me but it's something fun to do for the day with friends... not passing up on any of that right now. Friends are my lifeline.

We finally have SNOW so skiing is in the near future. Top that off with the formation of a new morning running group...and invites to play pond hockey regularly...things are just moving right along!! And it's a good thing since you'll notice my countdown timer to Timberman has dropped below 200 days!!! YIKES!!! I'm well ahead of where I was a year ago and fired up to keep going...it's all good.

Hope you all are enjoying the start of your new year. Not sure how much blogging I'm going to be doing for the next little while...life is calling. But I'm still reading and keeping up with you all...know that you provide daily inspiration!!!

Train hard... and stay safe and healthy!

Anyone for Some Solidarity?

2007-01-15T20:52:00.000-05:00

So a great old friend of mine is becoming a Ranger at the Parks Law Enforcement Academy in Washington State. She posted this on her blog last Friday:

Today the Commander announced the results of our initial physical. By results, I mean that he calculated how much punishment we would get depending on how we did overall. He said it was an improvement from last year, but we have a lot of work to do. In order to pass the class, we are each being held accountable for:

8000 pushups over the next 57 class days and a yet to be determined # of situps (we will know Tues)

OMG! Yes, this is real. He explained that we have 9 breaks a day and should be able to do at least 20 a break for 6 of the breaks. We can also count those done in the gym. We CANNOT count those done at home or with someone outside of class. They have to be done in view of our arranged partner. There is an "Alysha's Pushups and Situps Notebook" that only my partner can write in. 8000. I cannot even get that figure out of my head. Situps are expected to be around 12,000. An improvement from last year?? Yeah, they had 14, 500 pushups. I guess we are in better shape. And I guess I will be a rock when I leave here.

In addition, we are, as a group, expected to improve by 20% in all areas we were tested in.

Excuse me while I go cry myself into pushup position! ha. I really am quite concerned. If anyone out there wants to do them with me, we can keep a running cyber-count. I am probably going to need a little extra motivation.

SO, if my calculator is right, that's about 140 pushups a day and 210 situps a day for the next 57 or so days (actually now it's down to 54 days...)

I'll sign on for 20 pushups and 50 situps a day for a grand total of 1080 pushups and 2700 situps over the next 54 days. It's all I can muster Lysh...

Anyone else care to join in the fun and see if YOU have what it takes to become a park ranger?? Let Lysh know if you're on board so she feels the love...

Train hard!!

First Run in a Month!

2007-01-14T15:56:00.000-05:00

And it didn't feel all that bad. AND, when I turned on my iPod, I realized I forgot to charge it! DOH! Despite the lack of tunes, the annoying 100 lb. bouncing gazelle on the treadmill next to me and the worst XM Satellite station of all 4 million stations...it felt pretty good!

If you have a free moment, stop by Marty's Blog and leave some comment love...he's battling the FUNK all of us face from time to time...I'm SURE he'll pay it forward when he's in an upswing and YOU could be the recipient. We're all here to help...

There is Light...

2007-01-14T10:04:00.000-05:00

...at the end of the tunnel. Some hours it's a faint glimmer, other hours it's bright and shining. Perspective is a wonderful thing. Let's just say that my meds seem to have moderated (translation = I no longer have fleeting thoughts of hurling myself in front of a bus) AND I have the most excellent, loving, supportive, loving, caring, (have I said loving?) friends and family on this planet. I've spent very little time alone this past week because my support system has rallied. It feels pretty incredible to know that I'm not alone. And that all I had to do was ask for some help.

And now for the big news: I'VE GOT MY SWIM ON!!!

US Masters Swimming does a "Postal Event" every January - no you don't "go postal" (thank goodness for me) but you do swim for exactly 60 minutes and someone records for you how far you swam. AND, the cool thing is they have to write down your times every 50 yards so you have a great record of your splits over the whole hour. THEN you send them in (via the POSTAL SERVICE) to USMS and you get to see how you rate as an endurance swimmer against thousands of other swimmers in the country and in the world! Pretty cool eh? The only catch is that you have to be a USMS Member and you have to swim during the month of January.

Well, I'm heading to Las Vegas again on Thursday so that left only yesterday to get my swim done...so it was do or die. I chose do!

Here are some highlights that prove that I'm making forward progress each day I show up at the pool to swim with my teammates. Keep in mind I'm not any lighter or any more fit than I was a year ago...I feel that 99% of my improvements are due to better technique...

Last year's distance in 1 hour: 3303 yards
Yesterday's distance in 1 hour: 3470 yards (that's 167 yards further!)

at 200 yards: 3:12...which is my 200 PR
at 400 yards: 6:34, also a PR for 400 yards
at 15 minutes: 900 yards...the furthest I've ever gone in 15 minutes based on monthly timed 15 minute events. Previous PR was 865 yards.

at 1500 yards: 25:24, also a PR for 1500 yards, by almost 1 whole minute

at 1750 yards (1 mile is 1760 yards): 29:44...so totally on track for a 30 min. mile!

at 2150 yards (1.2 miles is 2112 yards): 36:42...so on track for around a 36 min. half iron swim - add in the wetsuit and I'll be rockin'!

Average pace for 50 yards was incredibly consistent. For the first third, I held a :50, then slipped to :51-:52 and finished the last third at an average of :52-:53. There was one :54 but nothing slower than that...

Average pace for 100 yards therefore was 1:45 or less with at least a third of the hour holding a 1:40. The fastest 100 was 1:33.

To see these numbers is AMAZING for me because I felt like I picked a pace at the beginning that I could hold for an hour and wasn't killing myself and likely wasn't above 75% of my HR. In a race situation, I think I could step it up to 80% without too much trouble and gain some extra distance.

SO, to be at this level in January is HUGELY motivating for the season to come. Since the swim has certainly become my strength in triathlon thus far, I need to really focus on my bike and run...but I feel sure that with 2-3 days of pool time each week, I can maintain or improve my swim without too much trouble. COOL.

BRING.IT.ON. Heading to the gym and the treadmill in a bit...it's gray with snow and intermittent rain...blech. I'll lose myself in my tunes...

Hope you're all getting 2007 off to a good start!! Train hard...

This Made Me Giggle...

2007-01-03T11:37:00.000-05:00

Feel free to add in what you're dog would say...

HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

GOLDEN RETRIEVER:
"The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?"

BORDER COLLIE:
"Just one...and then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code."

DACHSHUND:
"You know I can't reach that stupid bulb!!"

ROTTWEILER:
"Make me."

LAB:
"OH, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!! Can I?!! Can I??!! Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?"

MALAMUTE:
"Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed my while he's busy."

JACK RUSSELL TERRIER:
"I'll just pop that sucker in while I'm bouncing off the walls and the furniture!"

POODLE:
"I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry."

COCKER SPANIEL:
"Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark."

BOXER:
"Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toy in the dark."

CHIHUAHUA:
"Yo quiero Taco Bell."

IRISH WOLFHOUND:
"Can somebody else do it? I've go this hangover..."

POINTER:
"I see it –– there it is ––there it is, right there..."

GREYHOUND:
"I can't chase it so who cares?"

OLD ENGLISH SHEEPDOG:
"Light bulb? I'm sorry but I don't see any light bulbs."

HOUND DOG:
"ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!"

BERNESE MOUNTAIN DOG:
"You mean I have to get off the couch?? OH all RIGHT!!! Harumph..."

Tagged!

2006-12-31T20:45:00.000-05:00

Barb tagged me with this book game:

1. Find the nearest book.
2. Name the book & the author.
3. Turn to page 123.
4. Go to the fifth sentence on the page. Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog.
5. Tag three more folks.

I'm tempted to choose a book that's further away than the one closest to me but I guess ya'll know that I'm working thru some stuff so here's the one that's on the couch next to me:

Book: Saying What's Real: 7 Keys to Authentic Communication and Relationship Success
Author: Susan Campbell, PhD

pg. 123, 5th sentence:

"Judgements and interpretations about the other are a type of defense mechanism. They help us to maintain the illusion that we are in control - that we know things that we actually cannot know, such as someone else's intentions or hidden feelings. All we can really know for sure is what we ourselves experience."

I'm not at all a self-help book reader. I'm trying to expand my horizons a bit and this book is actually pretty helpful for me to read right now. Check it out...

I tag Ms. Triathlete Teacher, Rocketpants, and Isis.

Happy New Year's Eve

2006-12-31T20:26:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling better. I've gotten a lot done in the past two days and feel like some of the pressure is off at work. I work in the ski industry and our big show is in Las Vegas during the third week in January. My job is to design and produce the product catalog for our 2007-08 products as well as put together the show booth for the show. It's a fun job but at this time of year, it adds to the stress...and especially this year. I'm a planner...and this catalog is impossible to get a head start on. Just the nature of the business.

Things in other realms are still tough but my spirit is somehow feeling stronger. Maybe it's relief that 2006 has finally come to an end. It's been a year of incredible highs and the lowest of lows... but I think maybe I'm catching a glimpse of acceptance and getting a grip on what I can control and what I can't. I've never been a religious person but I've had the Lord's Prayer on my mind a lot lately. We said it at my Grandmother's service and I think I've been carrying it with me since then.

I'm not ready to choose a mantra for the year but training officially begins this week. For now, I'm taking things day by day...and trying to find only this:

acceptance of the things I cannot change
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference

Have a safe and happy New Year's Eve and best of luck to all of you racing in New Year's Day triathlons...2007 brings a clean slate with lots of promise. Thanks for tuning in. :)

Stolen from E-Speed who stole it from Su...

2006-12-30T22:32:00.000-05:00

The game is to bold the items on the list that apply to you then add one of your own to the end. Seemed like a good way to post something not quite so depressing!

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa.
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer.
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk.
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe.
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured an ancient site
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played Dungeons & Dragons for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently well enough to have a decent conversation
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a sting-ray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Para-sailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life
151. Finished a marathon
152. Finished a Half Ironman
153. Finished a 50 mile ultramarathon
154. Rode a train from the east coast of the US to the west coast in one shot.

Raindrops on Roses...

2006-12-29T19:37:00.000-05:00

whiskers on kittens
bright copper kettles
definitely warm woolen mittens
warm sunny days
fresh cut grass
puppies
spring green
that salty feeling you have after spending a day at the beach
vacation
riding my bike fast down a hill
finishing a race
sitting down to breakfast after a tough workout
a baby giggling
grilled cheese
hammocks
fresh vegetables from the garden
a walk (or run) on a warm summer evening
shoulder deep snow and a day off to ski in it
Friday at quitting time
crisp clean sheets and fluffy pillows
waking up to warm sunshine on my face
naps

How 'bout you? what things do you think of to make you feel better?

You Know...

2006-12-28T18:37:00.000-05:00

Right now I'd say I'm in crisis. Things are feeling as low as I think they've ever felt. And you know what just dawned on me? This is STUPID. It's just DUMB. I'm not writing this here because I want you to feel bad for me...but so that you (and I) can see that I'm just being an idiot...Last night i cried for almost 3 hours...finally fell asleep...woke up around 4 and cried myself back to sleep. Would've called in sick but I'm working on a deadline, felt like crap all day, couldn't really eat much last night or today and you know what... ENOUGH. I'm my own worst enemy. I have to get a grip or I'm going to lose everything I care about...including my own sanity. I actually considered checking myself into the psyche ward this morning.

I'm ruining my own life with all this sadness and I realized just now, in a fit of incredulous laughter, that it's my own damn choice and my own damn fault. I'm wasting valuable time, hurting people I love and neglecting everything I decided I was going to change for the better in my life. I'm ALIVE. I'm HEALTHY. I'm not saying suck it up, don't feel the sadness. I have to go thru it. But I am saying I need to quit wasting my energy on being sad because it's consuming me and everyone around me and by the way, it IS possible to just treat it as something that comes and goes rather than letting it cripple me, letting it run my life. I know I need to feed myself so I feel ok. I have to take my meds, go to the gym...all these things will help.

Get a grip, Spence. Be the person you want to be so that you can like yourself again. No one's going to do it for you. And you can't give to anyone else if you're wallowing in it...

Triathlete Girl is in me. She's always been in me. I just have to choose for her to show herself. Yes, it's hard most days right now. But being sad is just making it harder. So here's the plan:

I'm going to be the person my dog thinks I am.

Get over it already...it's boring and unattractive. You like it when your eyes sparkle, not water...

(Comments are off for this one - it's just for me I guess...)
(And yes, I see my therapist tomorrow morning, thanks for wondering...)

Never Fear

2006-12-18T20:16:00.000-05:00

Well, my dad was sure I was going to off myself after the last post but alas, I am still here and would never consider such an action...i mean really...there's chocolate and summer and those two things alone are enough to keep me around. Definitely not going anywhere (except maybe insane...wanna come along?) ;) Sorry if I'm concerning or depressing you...I learned tonight that at least two of my family members have tuned out because they can't stand to watch the trainwreck...but you know, this blog is for me so if they choose to click the little black x, that's ok. I feel sure that someone somewhere is relating to my world...and if not, well it can be just for me. It's always good to look back and see how far you've come when you're finally out of the hole. And the fact that I repeat the jump into the hole over and over...well...that just makes me unique, right? Right?

So quick update and then I'm heading to bed:

1.) Saying goodbye to Ganna was a sendoff to beat all sendoffs. We celebrated, cried and laughed and remembered all the good things about a magnificent life. The meltdown I anticipated never materialized...I'm not convinced that I'm outta the woods yet but the sendoff was a success...she is in a much happier place now and there has been closure. For that I am very thankful...and I'm especially thankful for such a huge, loving and closeknit family.

2.) Fell off the wagon bigtime. So the 15 days stays and the 16th begins this minute. I blame it on a funeral and reception...and a swim meet with a lousy concession stand and an inability to find time to get to the store prior to the meet. Whatever. Back on track as of right now...

3.) I wasn't the only one that wanted a do-over...I was right to trust that we care about each other so much that giving up is not an option.

3.) We came in 6th overall at the swim meet!! I couldn't update because they lied about wireless access. The only teams to beat us were teams with upwards of 25 swimmers compared to our 16. We had quality points - lots of first, second, and third age group placings...we swam like fishies!! It was especially inspiring to watch the two 76 year olds on our team swim so many events with such skill, style and class.

My own swim performance was not what I had hoped...it's so easy to think you can gain a few seconds over a year of practice. I chalked it up to being tired and having just said goodbye to Ganna. I was last in my age group in every event I swam in...but my times were mostly what I predicted with the 800 free, 100 free and 50 Breast coming in under what I predicted. Thinking back, I realized that my preparation for this meet last year was considerably more focused...I had Weasel Boy dragging me to a third swim session for an extra month...and I was focused only on the meet and not a million other things in my life. It's all good. I showed up. I swam. I still got a good amount of points for our team. I contributed. That can be what matters this time. Here's the rundown of my times (parentheses show what i predicted)...

Remember, this was short course METERS...25 meter pool...
800 free - 14:29.21 (15:00)
100 IM - 1:47.91 (1:44)
200 breast - 4:06.15 (3:59) This event HURTS...
50 free - 0:40.9 (0:40)
100 free - 1:29.37 (1:30)
100 breast - 1:55.14 (1:53)
50 breast - 0:54.31 (0:56)

I also contributed to a second place finish in the women's 400M Free relay, a 4th place finish in the 200M Free relay and a first place finish in the 400M Medley Relay (believe it or not, I swam the backstroke leg...it was U-G-L-Y...and the catch is that we were the only ones in our age group for this relay so we just had to swim it and not do anything to get ourselves DQed...which we managed to avoid. Hey, 34 points is 34 points!)

My goal for the spring meet is to make every attempt to not be the weak link...I expect my half iron training along with my wagon ride will go a long way toward making that happen.

Two more days until the winter solstice...and it's all light from there... thank the goddess...

And thanks to everyone that has sent good words and thoughts my way...it makes my world so much brighter...

This Too Shall Pass (please please please let it pass...)

2006-12-13T11:49:00.000-05:00

Today I'm really sad. I started out ok but things went downhill from there and here I am. Rock bottom sad.

Two weeks ago my mom's mom, my Ganna, succumbed to Alzheimer's Disease. The funeral is tomorrow and I'm still in ambivalent mode. I guess I'm bracing myself for the onset of the realization that she's gone...but honestly, the death of even a housefly would trigger full on hysteria. Cannot.Stop.Crying.

And I'm hurting someone that I love so much. I don't know what to say to her, I don't know how to make her trust me. Whatever I do say just seems to make it worse. I won't give up. But honestly, I have no idea where to go from here. I wish we could start over but what's been said is already out there, has already done the damage. I just hope our love is strong enough to endure it.

There is some good news. I've been on the wagon now for 15 days with only one major day of disaster eating. Down about 5 lbs. My clothes fit better. AND I've worked out every day in the past week. Progress is motivating.

Swim meet this weekend at Boston University's new pool. We've rallied 16 swimmers from the UV Rays Masters team to represent...the most so far of the 3 meets we've competed in. We're all swimming the 800 freestyle on Friday night to start Saturday off with a substantial point total...and the goal is to break into the top ten. Who knows, we may even be top 5! Of course, it's hard to compete against teams with 40+ swimmers. There's WiFi so I'll try to post results over the weekend...tune in.

I'm swimming these events and have seeded myself with these times (in Short Course Meters):
800 free: 15:00 min
100 IM: 1:44
200 Breast: 3:59
50 Free: 0:40
100 Free: 1:30
100 Breast: 1:53
50 Breast: 0:56

I expect to also swim the 200 Medley Relay (no idea which leg), the 200 Free Relay and the 400 Free Relay.

Hope everyone is having a good week...and has a great weekend.

Nationality Identity Crisis

2006-12-06T08:48:00.000-05:00

You know, it's come up many times: somehow I think I was born on the wrong side of the border. The Canadians seem to totally "GET" my sense of humor.

Going into Day 9 on the wagon...it's getting harder but I'm stickin' to it with the hope that it will get easier.

Happy Wednesday!

4th Grade Humor

2006-12-05T09:01:00.000-05:00

I'm in the mood for some totally infantile humor today so I need some audience participation. But first, the ever important number: 2.6. That's the number of lbs. I've lost in my first week back to Weight Watchers. It's not a lot, but it's a start...and one of my esteemed tri coaches reminded me that Mondays can be heavy days for a number of reasons... But my clothes fit better, I feel better, it's all good. And Triathlete Girl has appeared several times in the past few days. I'm pretty sure the new meds are working... THANK the goddess.

OK, time for audience participation. As I was showering at the pool on Saturday morning, I noticed the drain was full of nasty soap scum and lotsa hair. EWWW. And I thought to myself, "THAT's grosser than gross." And then I thought, how about a "What's Grosser than Gross" poll, triathlete style. SO, what have you noticed in your time as a triathlete that totally grosses you out?? I'll start...

WHAT'S GROSSER THAN GROSS?

1. Hair and soap scum in the drain in the locker room.
2. The smell of my running shoes after a rainy, muddy run.
3. When people at the gym don't wipe their sweat off the equipment after they use it..
4. [FILL IN YOUR GROSS OUT HERE!!]

C'mon people...I need to giggle today!!!

Train hard!

The Devil Went Down to...the Pool?

2006-12-02T20:33:00.000-05:00

(I'm cheating and pre-dating my posts - I swear I had every intention of writing this on Saturday but it just never happened...)

Saturdays are usually sleep in days for me but Coach B has been able to wrangle some extra pool time for us at 6:30 am on Saturday mornings. Nice. I'll pretty much take any offered opportunity to swim when there are no floaty, wall hugging, lane hogging lap swimmers in the pool. My first swim meet of the season is in two weeks and I figured I better get some additional yardage in the bank...and start getting myself into an early Saturday routine...since I'll need to add a swim to get ready for the Timberman Half IM. SO, 6:00am, off to the pool.

On Friday, Coach had sent around an email warning that she would offer any of us the opportunity to try the "Satan Set". Well, although everything at Masters swimming is optional, the very offer of such a set begged acceptance. Only wussies would decline such an invitation.

I'll take your bet, you're gonna regret 'cause I'm the best that's ever beeeeen...

So the deal with this set...You take your fastest race time for 100 yards of whatever stroke you choose to swim...I chose freestyle and my PR time is a 1:22 from the blocks.

Then you swim 6 x 100 yards on a relatively long interval (the true Satan Set calls for a 6:00 interval - we did it on about a 7:30/8:00 - or until our heart rates had recovered)...which means you go 100%, all out, swim like you're being chased by Jaws, fast for 100 yards and then spend the rest of the time recovering...in this case, we did a 200 pull in between the 100s...reeeeeeeaaaaaaly easy like. Because you think your heart is going to explode. No joke.

The goal for the set is to swim each of your 100s within 6 seconds of your PR time...so for me, that meant I had to swim each in under 1:28.

Well the Devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat:

#1: 1:24
#2: 1:23
#3: 1:24
#4: 1:24
#5: 1:25
#6: 1:27

Oh, and we warmed up for 1000 yards and cooled down for 200 for an even 3000 yard practice. All before 8 am on a Saturday...

I gotta tell you, weekends are really long when you get up that early.

Devil just c'mon back if you ever wanna try again, 'cause I told you once you son of a b**** I'm the best that's ever been...

Chance Sighting...

2006-11-30T09:02:00.000-05:00

By some miracle, Triathlete Girl met me at the pool this morning. It was REALLY nice to see her. I think she called me a few minutes before my alarm went off but I can't quite remember. She was positive, upbeat and raring to go.

There were only two of us in my lane this morning (well, not including Tri Girl) so that was a nice switch from the usual 4 or 5. I actually got to lead and Tri Girl kicked in with a vengeance...it was a crazy hard IM practice with all kinds of turn practice - clean IM turns take some thinking, backstroke touch on your back, breast stroke pullouts, dolphin kicks on everything but the breast, etc. - and I was ON baby. It felt good to push hard and be able to hold my technique for the whole hour. At the end coach helped me some with my fly technique and I THINK I finally have it. Well, I did for one whole length anyway. At least I know I'll survive the 100 IM in the upcoming meet.

And Tri Girl seems to still be sitting on my shoulder as I made it through my morning feeding without one step toward the edge of the wagon. No caffeine, the perfect amount of cereal and a steaming hot cup of tea.

Boy am I glad she's back...even if it's just for today. I'll take it.

Happy Thursday everyone!!

My Newest Game...

2006-11-29T09:39:00.000-05:00

I went to my first Weight Watchers MEETING since I was in 7th grade on Monday. I tried the WW online thingy last spring and had some success but as I've mentioned before, self-accountability is something I struggle with (and that, my friends, is the understatement of the year).

Tuesday was day 1 of successful points calculating. The new game is to see how many days I can go without totally falling off the wagon. I'm treating this like quitting smoking. I'm pulling out all the stops and asking for help from all directions. I'm going to make the meetings work for me. I'll admit, some of it was hokey...but I've run out of options...I have to do the work and I need help doing it.

SO please check in and help me count days...day 2 is off to a good start.

Thanks ya'll...

It's like realizing your check book is off by $100 in your favor...

2006-11-28T09:15:00.000-05:00

Only BETTER. I was talking with Emily after swimming this morning...and we were talking about the upcoming swim meet...and I was like, "Dude, it's next weekend!" and she was all, "Nuh uh, there's a whole 'nother week in there..." And I was like, "Oh MY GOD, GINA, you're totally RIGHT!!!" (well, except that her name is Emily).

So now I have one weekend to relax and catch up, the next weekend of my work's annual sales meeting, and THEN the meet. I was thinking that the sales meeting was THIS weekend.

I feel like I can BREATHE again. And now that the side effects from doubling my meds have abated, I can tell that they seem to be doing their job. Beauty.

Distance or Time?

2006-11-22T12:58:00.000-05:00

A few years ago when I first sat down with my swim coach, who is also a level 1 USAT tri coach, she outlined a plan for me that was based on training by TIME. In other words, figure out how much time your longest race will take you, and then schedule your workouts so that you know you can go hard for that amount of time.

When I sat down this fall with the Triathlete's Training Bible, I had a similar experience...you pick your periodization based on the number of hours in a year you think you'll train (ok, that's drastically simplified) but it was still about TIME, not about the distance covered in that time...

I know when you're training for an Ironman, you might train so that you complete ONE of the THREE distances in one training session but you likely never do the whole ironman distance. But along the same lines, you don't really go out and train for 14 hours...if you think that's how long it's going to take you to finish an ironman.

I know when you train for a marathon or half marathon that you're more likely to focus on milage...distance run during your training sessions. Why would triathlon be any different?

So how do YOU schedule your training? Do you map out your training year by TIME or by DISTANCE? WHY? Anyone feel strongly that there's a right way and a wrong way? Feel free to reference any relevant links too...

Thanks for the imput!

A Good Base Always Wins

2006-11-21T20:55:00.000-05:00

I went to the evening Masters swim practice tonight instead of the morning...there was drama last night that kept me up so I didn't make it out the door at 5:30. Anyway, there aren't as many triathletes at the evening group (go figure - we folk have such an affinity for ODark Thirty, don't we?) and in my lane, I was the ONLY triathlete. Well, it was a crazy IM practice (Individual Medley - lotsa fly, back, breast, free and it makes you super tired...) and not really knowing where I fit in the lane, I started out in the fourth position. After the first set I moved up to second position and was working hard to keep up with the lane leader. She was sticking to the rest intervals like nobody's business and they were tough sendoffs to make. But you know what? She started to fade about a half hour in. And I was still plugging right along - feeling the same as I had at the start. And by the end of the hour, she was doggin' it and I was leading the lane...

...and you know...it felt pretty good to know that all my other training has given me a great base and made me a true endurance athlete. Very cool.

Here's the practice if you're curious...

The shrink doubled my meds today. And the sun was shining all day. There's a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel...

Still Looking...

2006-11-20T13:16:00.000-05:00

...for my laugh and smile. This pic brought a momentary return and a bit of a snicker...but things are tough. I'm weepy today.

I messed a bunch with my sidebar this morning so wander on thru and check out the new pic of the week and the new song...and I also posted my race schedule for 2007, including Timberman 70.3. Yes, Triathlete Girl surfaced just long enough to click the submit button on the LinMark screen so I'm IN and I've had momentary bouts of joy and excitement thinking about the fun I'll have racing with TriZ and JC...but today is back to washed out dull colors and low energy. The new meds aren't helping yet...

I'm gonna try and be better about posting more often...it helps so much to feel connected to you all and feed off all the positive energy...might be short and sweet but I'm still here... thanks for stopping by.

Opinions Please....

2006-11-06T16:22:00.000-05:00

Thinking about owning my very own bike trainer...I have one that's on loan from my swim coach and it's very much low end and loud and yuck...thinking about asking for one for Christmas.

My bike gurus recommend the Kurt Kinetic Road Machine for overall price point vs. quality, and it seems to get pretty good reviews from the tri community. It's listed at MSRP $330 but I've seen it online at a handful of places for $275. I can leave it set up with my bike for the winter so ease of in and out is not of too much concern...nor is weight as I won't be travelling with it. Basically I'm looking for a smooth and quiet ride so as not to annoy myself or the kind folks that live upstairs (not that I think the trainer would be too loud but the TV might be too loud if I have to turn it up to 11 to hear it over the whirrrrrrrrrr.)

Would LOVE to have all you cold weather IRONpeople weigh in on what you spent last winter training on... OH, and Flatman, you'll be my hero if you can find one for less than $275...

This and That...

2006-11-06T13:19:00.000-05:00

So I saw the white coat doc on Friday. After giving an hour of exhaustive personal medical history (during which time I learned that, although I have what to me is a debilitating case of depression, I actually do have an awful lot of things going for me - not the least of which is triathlon) the doc announced that he will be adding Wellbutrin to my existing Zoloft regimen. The initial temptation was to up the Zoloft since I'm still only on half the maximum reccomended dosage...but doing that could cause side effects which, to date, I have not experienced. He felt I was a good candidate for Wellbutrin based on my patterns and moods so we'll give it a shot. My understanding is that the Zoloft acts on the serotonin uptake and the Wellbutrin acts on the norepinephrin uptake...and the two combined do all kinds of happy things for my brain. Once the WB takes it's full effect, we may be able to slowly back off the Z so that I'm only on one medication - which I'm all for. But it may be that I need both. The goal is to get me to my "summer self"...that's my alter ego Triathlete Girl...capable of leaping tall buildings (and eating fruits, vegetables and whole grains rather than donuts) in a single bound. We shall see.

I start it tomorrow morning and it's supposed to take up to 4 weeks to reach it's full effect. I'm hopeful. And the sun is making a difference these past few days too. Beauty.

Extra special congrats to all that raced at Ironman Florida. You guys rock and it was totally exciting to watch all the splits come thru and know that you were becoming ironmen and women! Wish I could've been there in person but I certainly WAS there in spirit...

Happy Halloween!

2006-10-31T10:32:00.000-05:00

These just made me giggle. And no, they're not my pets. But I'd say their owners really do have too much time on their hands... enjoy and have a safe and Happy Halloween!

Tanita my darling...

2006-10-30T13:44:00.000-05:00

OK, I've decided to invite a new woman into my life. Tanita is moving in sometime in the next few weeks. But I need some advice on this impending relationship. Do all you tri bloggers who have worked hard with weight-loss and body composition recommend such an invitation or would you advise me to hold off and remain single a bit longer? AND if you think this relationship would be a good investment - which Tanita should I pick? Or perhaps there's another woman out there for me?

Please weigh in...(snicker...)

Thanks,
Spence

Why I've Been Conspicuously Absent...

2006-10-27T08:31:00.000-05:00

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST IS A TOTAL DOWNER. IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR AN UPLIFTING, INSPIRATIONAL POST TO GET YOU PSYCHED TO RACE AT IMFL OR JUST GET YOU PSYCHED, COME BACK ANOTHER TIME. I PROMISE I'LL BE BACK. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN...

My family has a history of depression, and I've been swallowed whole by it. 5 years ago I started training for tri, I stopped drinking altogether (although I didn't drink much), and I started taking antidepressants - all in a last ditch effort to get up off the lowest point of my rock bottom and live again. Meds and tri saved my life. I am so thankful.

So now I know that it's a full blown disease. I don't come out of it in the spring like I used to. I will likely be on meds for the rest of my life. Which is finally ok with me because there is no alternative. But this fall has come with such an incredibly high level of stress that my meds aren't cutting it. It's all I can do to drag myself to swimming twice a week and the rest of my training has fallen apart. And less training just means less serotonin, fewer endorphins, feelings of worthlessness and even less motivation to do the things I know I need to do to feel ok. It's a vicious cycle. I'm only thankful that I can recognize it now.

This is the third fall since starting on meds that I've experienced this downward spiral toward December 21st...two years ago we upped my meds and that helped a little. But now I'm forced to explore a pharmacological overhaul in the desperate hope that there's another balance of meds that will keep me from this pattern of descent into my own personal hell. I'm terrified that nothing will help. That I will sit and cry at my desk every day because there is no other way I can be. That I will push the people that love me away because the self loathing I feel when I feel like this is too great for ME to endure - so how can I expect THEM to endure it? I've gotten so sensitive to the physiological changes my body goes thru with this that I can tell almost to the hour when I need to go in search of a donut to send that surge of sugar to my brain to make the pain stop. Let me tell you...it's KILLING my girlish figure...which just makes me feel worse.

One of the positive things about growing up in a dysfunctional family that KNEW it was dysfunctional is that there was all kinds of 12-step philosophy going on all around me. And people were always in different phases of their recovery...so I got to see it all. I guess you could argue that exposing your kids to the messes of life early on is irresponsible...but I think at the very least it made me aware... and one coping strategy that I've used to endure my depression has proven helpful - at least to keep me breathing in and out, putting one foot in front of the other... "ACT AS IF." Basically, pretend or 'act' as if the thing you most want, most need, is true...and it will become true...or more true anyway. So if you're unhappy and you want to be happy...ACT happy even if you don't feel that way. Chances are, you'll feel better. It's not about denying the sadness...it's just about putting it aside long enough to PRETEND you're happy in hopes of surviving and getting thru those moments of profound sadness...until you stop hurting so intensely.

I need Triathlete Girl back. She's hiding deep inside me and I want her back because she makes me feel better. Registration for Timberman 70.3 opens on Wednesday, Nov. 1st and I'm going to sign up on that day. And I'm going to try and ACT like Triathlete Girl in hopes that she'll show her face just enough each week to get me past December 21st - the day it will start to get light again - and get me to the starting line next August. Because if I don't pretend that she's here, she won't be. And I'll continue to shrivel. If I can't get myself out of bed in the morning, Triathlete Girl will have to do it for me. She wants me to be well.

These things I know:
I cannot live this far north any longer. This will be my last winter in the cold and dark.

I need to change my medication. I HATE that I'm dependent on it to be myself. But there's no other way. If I had diabetes, I'd take insulin. Period.

I have to reach out to my friends and family, and to stay as busy as possible. Being alone for extended time is not good for me right now - no matter how much it feels like the right thing to do. Isolation will only make things feel worse.

I have to do everything I can for myself to be well - I need to eat the right things, sleep enough but not too much, exercise and be nice to myself. It all adds up and I need to work it from all directions or there's no hope.

These things I know. In my head. I know them. I'm writing them here so that every day that I don't feel them and every day that I want to avoid them, I can be reminded of them. It's easy to know. It's not easy to do. Triathlete Girl is going to have to get me out of bed to do them. I'm counting on her.

A close friend asked me yesterday how this feels - this profound sadness. I said, "You know the little round guy on the Zoloft commercials?" "Ah, got it," she said. Yeah, that little round guy makes me cry right now. A stupid little cartoon round thing with a frown and sad eyes. I have to change my world because this, this is not living.

Dooce wrote about depression yesterday...and I'm going to shamelessly scoop her link to Chris Rose's story about his own depression following Hurricane Katrina. This is what it's like kids. To a T. If you suffer from depression, read this story because it will help you feel less alone...it will give you hope. If you're lucky enough to have missed out on the depression genes, read this story because it will help you understand those around you who are suffering...especially as winter descends upon us.

Thanks for checking in... and here's hoping Triathlete Girl returns.

New Favorite Toy

2006-10-16T11:43:00.000-05:00

I just renewed my gym membership at the beginning of October - I don't go to (translate "pay for") the gym during the summer when I can be outside and in my absence, my gym has acquired several Versa Discs, my new favorite toy!!!

It's just a funky looking inflated pancake that you can stand on with one or two feet and practice your balance. It's HARD at first while all the little tiny muscles in your ankles, knees and hips work overtime to tell you that you've been neglecting them. And in just three short (very short - like 5-10 mins) sessions, my balance is remarkably improved. Nice. (Note: one drawback is that the tiny muscles in my ankles are pretty sore so be sure you ease into this if you try it. I did 5-10 seconds balancing on one foot at a time. You can really feel it.)

So I've added this into my lifting routine twice a week. And to multi-task, I do these and these super cool shoulder exercises to work the ultra tiny muscles in my shoulders (these go a LONG way toward keeping your shoulders from feeling like hamburger) while balancing on the VersaDisc one foot at a time.

Loving the base-building off-season... What fun things are YOU going to incorporate into YOUR off-season?

Happy National Coming Out Day!!

2006-10-11T09:45:00.002-05:00

October 11th, 2006.

It's National Coming Out Day!! Not a hugely well-known holiday but one I try to observe every year. So, allow me my soap box for a moment...and hopefully you'll learn something you didn't know (because I know I did just from my short Google search this morning!!)

Did you know (from hrc.org):

Most people come out because, sooner or later, they can’t stand hiding who they are anymore. They want their relationships to be stronger, richer, more fulfilling and authentic.

Once we do come out, most of us find that it feels far better to be open and honest than to conceal such an integral part of ourselves.

We also come to recognize that our personal decision to live openly helps break down barriers and stereotypes that have kept others in the closet. And in doing so, we make it easier for others to follow our example.

Coming out is a really important thing for me. If you know me, you know that I'm gay. And usually, within the first few weeks of getting to know me, you learn this about me. I've found that it makes things much more simple to just put it out there...leaving people guessing makes them cranky and me antsy. And you know, I've discovered it's really not such a big deal to just about anyone I've ever met. We truly are everywhere...

Here are some fun (or not so fun) facts for you:

Ten Things Every American Ought to Know

* Same-sex couples live in 99.3 percent of all counties nationwide (2000 U.S. Census).
* The federal government could save more than $1 billion a year by allowing same-sex couples to marry (2004 Congressional Budget Office).
* There are more than 1 million gay and lesbian veterans in the United States (Urban Institute).
* Sixty-one percent of Americans believe the country needs laws protecting transgender individuals from discrimination (2002 HRC Foundation poll).
* Nearly half of all Fortune 500 Companies offer domestic partner health benefits (2004 HRC State of the Workplace Report).
* You can still be fired from your job in most states, simply for being GLBT, and have no legal recourse — because currently, no federal employment law includes GLBT Americans.
* Eighty-four percent of GLBT students report being verbally harassed — name-calling, threats etc. — at school (GLSEN 2003).
* There are at least 1 million children being raised by same-sex couples in the United States — and probably many more (2000 U.S. Census).
* Hate crimes against GLBT Americans are on the rise, even as other violent crimes continue to decline (FBI Hate Crimes Statistics 2004). Current federal hate crime laws do not protect GLBT Americans.
* In a national poll in 2006, 80 percent of Catholics said they agree with this statement: “Marriage is about love and commitment. Regardless of how I personally feel about gay people getting married, I don’t think it is my place to judge these people’s love for and commitment to each other.” (Accredited Research by Peter D. Hart & Associates).

We as triathletes are such a warm, welcoming and supportive group out on the roads, in the pool, and on the race course. And I've felt nothing but that support from each of you since coming out on my blog. I'm sure you're doing all you can to continue that support toward others in your daily lives. Thanks for making the gay folks in your lives feel okay about sharing something so important to them!

For more resources about coming out visit The Human Rights Campaign.

And although it sounds hokey, HRC offers a free guide:

A Straight Guide to GLBT Americans
"The guide walks people through the emotional spectrum that people typically feel after someone comes out to them, outlines myths and facts about GLBT people, and gives easy ways for straight people to learn more and demonstrate their support for GLBT Americans"

...you can get a downloadable PDF here.

AND, if you're curious about the history of the rainbow flag and it's status as a symbol of gay pride, check out THIS and THIS!.

Thanks for tuning in and Happy Wednesday!!

3...Is the magic number

2006-10-09T07:39:00.000-05:00

I'm looking forward to the day when I feel like this kid again. Yes, that's me, age 3...bottle in hand obviously high on life and every bit the goofball. I think it's apple cider that we'd just pressed...or maybe I got a sip of the hard stuff?

Yesterday was one of those days - beautiful skies, gorgeous sun shining thru a rainbow of changing leaves...and I was just restless...or melancholy...or both. I didn't want to be alone but didn't want to be with anyone either. I wanted to hike or ride but really wanted to sit on the couch and knit. I was hungry but didn't feel like eating anything in my fridge. I needed this kid to help me laugh.

As usual, mother nature came to the rescue and a 2 hour solo hike in the autumn air got me thru it. And the couch was still there with the knitting needles when I got back...the the chili was hot and ready for tasting. Sundays are hard right now.

Don't you just wish sometimes that you could go back to the world you lived in when you were 3?

Happy Monday...

Boat Races, Masters Style

2006-10-06T21:37:00.000-05:00

In college, I was on the crew team for both my first and second year. The team was a club not a varsity sport (which it is now, no doubt due to our shenanigans) so we had about a $2100 budget (as opposed to Harvard's 100K+ budget), two 8 shells and one 4 and I think I was probably the shortest starboard 5/7 seat in rowing history. My first year we didn't even have a dock so we would wade into the Erie Canal with this giant, long boat over our heads, stumbling over the rocks and trying to avoid the scary 3 headed fish. Our coaches were seniors. We were successful at regattas if everyone made it to the race and home without getting lost. It was character building. It's a miracle no one drowned.

Since we were a club and entirely student run, we could be a little more relaxed about workouts and training rules. What this meant was that Friday afternoon at 4 pm, we'd meet for a long run (3-5 miles) and about a tenth of a mile into it, we'd suddenly take a turn into a courtyard where there would be a keg and lots of cups. So instead of running, we'd have boat races. It was a sort of bonding time for our boats...all 8 of us would get in a line in our seat order, coxswain at the head, along side the boat we were challenging (standing in the same formation). Another coxswain would call the race like this:

"BEERS ON HEADS!!!"

At which point we'd obediently take our full beer cups and hold them above of our heads, resting gently atop our noggins.

The cox would then say, "READY ALL, DRINK!" (as opposed to the usual, "Ready all, ROW!")

Our coxswain would then start by chugging the beer on his own head and once finished, put the cup upside down on his head - to assure that if all the beer wasn't gone, it would dribble down his neck. As soon as the cup was upside down on his head, the next person in the boat could start chugging...right on down the line to seat 1. The first boat to finish all the beers in the line was declared the winner. The winner of what, you ask? Absolutely nothing. We were loaded by dinner time and completely obnoxious in the dining hall.

Yesterday at swim practice, coach broke out the red plastic beer cups and we all kind of looked at each other sideways like, "What? Cocktails at 7 am?" Turns out we had to fill them half full, then rest them on our foreheads while we swam the backstroke. It's not as hard as it sounds but it really truly helps you realize how to keep your head steady while you rotate your body. We looked like synchronized swimming winos...

And all I could think during the whole drill was, "BEERS ON HEADS!!!"

Enjoy the weekend ya'll!

Thursday Hat-Trick

2006-10-05T19:27:00.000-05:00

So now that the "term paper" is done, I feel like I can blog again. Work is picking up as we head into the ski season and things are starting to get wild again. My new place has high speed wireless internet so I guess I no longer have any excuse, do I? I think I might post less content more often. I want it to stay fun, ya know? I don't need any more "have tos" in my world right now.

So three things:

1.) I've noticed around blogland that folks are feeling kinda down. Not everyone, but on the dozen or so blogs I read today, I saw it in 4 or 5 of them and feel like it's worth bringing up 'cause I feel it too. Just down. It's getting darker. It's getting colder. The season is over. We're all coming down off of our racing high and many of us are facing the reality of indoor training for 6 long, dark, snowy months. I guess for me the important thing is to keep perspective. It's helping me a ton right now to plan out the year...yes, the year...from now until the last race of 2007. Ya know, there aren't that many weeks!!! Makes the whole winter thing more manageable. Give it a try. And remember if you're feeling kinda low, there are others feeling it too...none of us are alone.

2.) I took an exciting step and made my first commitment to my 2007 season! It's something I've wanted to do for awhile and a nudge from a good friend got me on board pretty quickly. I'm especially excited about this one because we're gonna make a weekend of it, take bikes and ride some of the course the day before and then cheer on 4 of my masters swimming friends. Come join us! We asked to be peelers, transition helpers and/or finish line catchers. And if you're signed up to race, let me know so I can watch for you! I'm also PLANNING on being in Madison for IMMOO 2007 to volunteer but the logistics of that adventure are considerably more complicated so stay tuned on that one...

3.) 2007 is the year I turn 35. And since age 29, when I started this quest, the mapped out plan had me finishing a half ironman the year I turn 35. So, registration opens for this race on November 1st. The plan is to click the submit button on that day. And after I finish, I'll make a plan for the second half of my 30s.

BRING.IT.ON.

Hang tough, ya'll...

THE REST: Cranberry Country Triathlon

2006-10-03T22:32:00.000-05:00

(Cut to real time here: this race report has been hanging over my head for more than a month now - like a term paper that I've been putting off starting until the last minute. I SO wanted to do a good job with it - but ya know, it just wasn't that great a race. And while there is plenty I can learn from it...it's just not inspiring me to write about it right now... SO, in true last minute term paper form, I'm starting at 10:20 pm and by the time my head hits the pillow it WILL be done. I debated just writing: "After the swim, I biked 25 miles, got thru T2 and ran 6.2 miles. The End." But I was afraid of the hate mail after stringing you all along like this... alas...here we go...)

OK, so the run up the hill from the water to T1 was a bit of a shocker. I was fine on the way up...must've still been working on some adrenaline...but once up, I started gasping for air... THIS is weird, I thought as I started to see little black spots... MUST GET OXYGEN... at that point I decided that walking was ok. We had to cross the pavement in bare feet anyway so walking was good (a badly stubbed toe was NOT in my race plan). The world righted itself 20 seconds later and I was breathing ok again... hated to walk but that was better than the completely horizontal alternative!

I made my way to my bike and dried off quickly... shorts on, shirt on, sat for a minute for socks and shoes...HRM on, helmet, no glasses as it was gray gray gray... and I was off. Followed the LOOOOOOOONG path out of transition and headed off on the 24.9 mile advertised-as-flat course.

OK, so I train in VT. You'd think that I wouldn't be phased by hills. And there were no hills, that's for sure. But when I ride a hill, I want it to be one that ends...that I can GET to the top of - and zoom down the other side... this course may have been flat...but it was a false flat for what felt like the entire 24.9 miles. GUH. Now I didn't push like crazy on the swim as I knew I had more than two hours of work to do after it... but once on the bike, my legs just decided they weren't at all interested in riding on a course like that. And Amelia HATED every second of it. She's supposed to excel on the rollers and is a crappy climber. I was really looking forward to seeing how she could help me on this course. Alas, the engine needed more HP...perhaps a Hemi...and there was no such hemi to be found out on that course.

Anyway, apart from the misery of what felt like 24.9 miles of uphill, the course was beautiful. It wound it's way thru the cranberry bogs of southern MA (Ocean Spray Juice headquarters is in this town!) and followed a nice loop thru a state park. There was one mile of road that would've given the Fairlee Race Directors apoplectic fits of angst (I'm talking potholes and fissure cracks that could've swallowed me WHOLE) but I managed it without eating pavement and was thankful for that.

At one point though, I did almost die. At least my life flashed before my eyes. The course was open to traffic and I'm thinking that Massachusetts drivers don't get a lot of practice driving around bikers. The road was pretty narrow and there was a bend of almost 90˚. I'd been hugging the very right edge of the road and there was a considerable drop off into soft, deep sand...but there was a pickup trying to pass me. I'm always really aware of cars - for the obvious reasons...but also because I know how annoying it can be when cyclists don't stay to the side... share the road means just that: SHARE. So the truck decided to pull past me, in the left lane (where there is oncoming traffic) on this blind curve...and it just so happened that I could SEE that there was another pickup coming toward me in the left lane around the curve. I shouted something about a truck coming and luckily the truck on my side veered back into the right lane just in time - but I almost ended up in the ditch as he pulled back into the right lane - I'd say another half inch and I would've been eating a literal sand-wich (get it? har har) That woke me up...and also gave me new vision for a life of living like there is no tomorrow. Sheesh.

Around mile 21 I started to feel like I'd had enough. I'd gone thru almost 20 oz. of gatorade but felt like I was starting to bonk... my bike computer was still reading high mileage (can ANYONE tell my why I can't get it to be accurate again??) so I felt like I should've been done but still had 3 miles to go. I knew there were still a bunch of people behind me but couldn't convince myself that it was MY race and I was growing ever more panicked with each biker that passed me (and there were MANY). I really just wanted to be DONE. Finally I started seeing runners and knew I must be close. I passed the race leader who had one mile to go on the run as I was coming in on the bike. I wanted to say something to cheer him on - something that would give him that extra kick...but I didn't feel it... so just biked by with a friendly "Nice job, finish strong." It did feel good to get out of my head for that split second. I pushed harder on the last two miles to ensure I came in under 1:30, my target for the bike leg. I did it but boy did it feel BAAAAAAAAD!

Bike split: 1:28:57
441/540

Into T2, ALLLLLLLLLLL the way to the back of transition again to my rack, parked my bike, helmet off, switch shoes, LiveStrong hat ON, grab FOOD - a power bar that I carried with me - and I was off again.

T2: 3:06 (again, not stellar but transition was seriously the size of a football field!! I didn't dilly dally at ALL!)

At this point I felt like complete and total CRAP. My mental demons were in full on torture mode and every person that passed me was a person closer to making me last. And physically I just felt lousy. I'm really not sure what it was...could've been the gray sky, or all the things going on in my head, or just that I wasn't as prepared as I could've been...dunno...but I was GOING to finish no matter what...even if I had to walk.

This being my first true olympic race, the run was longer than any I had done in a tri. Surprisingly, I didn't feel too nervous about it. I knew I could do it. And as I set out to run the 6.2 miles, I just accepted that it was going to hurt. And it did. All 6.2 miles of it. A lot of people passed me. Which is par for the course for me. I was able to hold 11 minute miles for the first two or three - which surprised me because I could've sworn I would move faster if I just walked. Things slowed down for miles 4 and 5 but the mile markers kept on coming - one after the next. I know that I will always be able to run one more mile...and that's truly how I plan to get thru every race I ever run. Just one more mile.... I wanted to be done so badly by the time I passed the mile 5 marker that I picked up the pace for the last 1.2. It hurt. My legs were numb. I was starting to get kind of fuzzy. I just wanted to be done. But somehow I knew I was almost there and I kept plugging away.

With about a half mile to go, a woman caught me and as she passed me she said, "You're a tough one to catch! I've been tracking you since mile 4!" I congratulated her on her successful mission, wished her a fun filled finish and then cursed her to myself as she ran away. I will BE her next time. Believe me. No more defense. I wanna play offense for once. I want to find that drive within me and nurture it...so it can carry me on to catch one after the next ahead of me...reel them in like little fishies. It will happen. Just not on that day... and on that day, I had to be okay with that.

I came into the finish chute at a faster clip...less because I wanted to give my all than because I just wanted it to be OVER. Somehow they misread my number and announced someone else's name and that was just fine with me. I was proud that I'd gotten thru it. I was glad because even though it was long and it hurt, it didn't hurt nearly as much as the last race I'd taken 3 hours to complete. And that's progress. Small as it may seem...

Run time for 6.2 miles: 1:13:39 (was shooting for 1:06 - 1:10ish...)
501/540

I knew I had more in me physically - that I hadn't left it all out on the course that day. In fact, I wasn't all that beat for the rest of the day - and I wasn't sore at all. But mentally, I did all I could. Every scrap of brain power I had at my disposal was used. It was the 4th discipline that fell apart that day. At this race, I learned how truly integrated our minds and bodies are in this sport. And you've got to have the whole system working together for optimal results. Don't ignore the mind game, kids. Your body may be made of iron but if your mind isn't ready on race day, you're not fully prepared. And I also learned that sometimes it's ok to race unprepared. Because you still learn a lot about yourself.

Not sure I'll be racing this one again - it was nice, well organized and a pretty venue...but the race itself didn't have the character or flair makes me want to sign up and try again next year. But it was Olympic #1 for the record books. And I'll take it!

Total time: 3:17:12
Overall place: 480/540
Place in Age Group: 25/31

Sorry for stringing ya'll along for that ride.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

THE SWIM: Cranberry Country Triathlon

2006-09-20T20:03:00.000-05:00

Sunday morning came along quickly and I bounced out of bed and into the shower at 5:30. Wanted to be in transition by 7 for an 8:00 start...The 30 min. drive was uneventful - I love Sunday morning driving to races...the roads are always so empty and you feel like a warrior out there so early. Even though I registered Saturday (thankfully as registration closed by 7) I still needed to get body marked so I took care of that first thing. The weather was overcast and cool but not cold or windy. The forecast called for a 30% chance of rain so I was hopeful it would hold off. It was PERFECT race weather.

Everything at this race was pretty well organized. The only issue I saw was that transition was HUGE and also pretty far away from the water...so my T1 and T2 times look like I was lounging by the concession stand for awhile. The upside to this was that we had a lot of space on our racks for everything...and once again, as luck would have it, I ended up at the end of a rack. Score. I set everything up, chatted with my rack-mates and helped a few of them with suggestions to questions they had. And then I walked around to get a feel for the SUPER long run from the water to transition...and to make sure I understood the bike out/bike in and run out/finish configurations. Glad I did this as it was kind of confusing. Once I had it, I went back to my rack and got my swim stuff. Time to warm up.

It still had not hit me that I was about to race the longest distance of my tri career. I felt ready physically. Not super strong, rarin' to go ready, but prepared. I really wanted to peak for this race but with all the crap going on, I found myself exhausted and just wanting to get it over with. I think that morning I felt kind of sad about that...I'd worked really hard for this and yet my mental exhaustion was translating into body exhaustion. I tried to fight it, to stay in the zone, to not grow weak and to stay sharp...I tried all week and I think I mostly succeeded...my taper was smart, I ate reasonably well...but I knew I just wasn't "ON" and I also knew that I couldn't beat myself up for that. It is what it is. You're here, just do it. I think that's when I started to feel more nervous. Usually I'm excited nervous, READY nervous...this time, I just felt a little SCARED. But I was going to do it.

So I always opt to get away from transition as soon as possible...too many people going thru too many emotions and freak outs. I still don't have a wetsuit and the water was 76˚F so I was ok with that - and I still feel like not having to struggle into it saves me all kinds of stress and anxiety before the start! The air was also pretty warm so it was no problem. Wanting to spend some time in the water, I headed over to the pond and got in. The in and out areas were really small and only a few people were in the water...not sure why. But I always take about 10 minutes of easy swimming mixed with a few sprints to get my HR up...so that's what I went to do. As I got about 50 yards out, they started calling everyone back. It was still like 20 mins to the first wave. I was annoyed! I swam a little further as there were still people out further than I was...and then turned with them as they came back toward me. I have no idea why they wanted us out...but I took the opportunity to sprint and elevate my HR so as not to shock it at the start.

Then we proceeded to stand around for the 20 minutes until the start. I was in wave 4 (?I think?or was it 3?)..red caps...there were 5 minutes between each wave so people took advantage of that and jumped in for a quick 2-3 min. warmup in each wave - I did the same. At the time, I did wish I could've done a bit more but didn't let it get to me. And then we were OFF!

Pool renovations had kept me out of the water so I had not done any swimming in more than a week prior to this race. Surprisingly, I felt good right from the start. Usually ANY time away from the pool leaves me feeling like I'm swimming in molasses. I started, as I now have become accustomed to, on the edge of the pack on the inside line next to the buoys (counterclockwise course so I was on the left)...and toward the front. As usual, everyone started off REALLY fast...but I picked a moderate speed and held it to the first buoy, making sure to not go anaerobic but also pushing a bit to get things going. A few of the fishies took off but more of them evened out or fizzled and by the third or fourth buoy, I started to catch them. The course was nice - warm water, deep and clear, no shrubbery, and the pond was really small....the buoys were really close together (maybe 40 yards?) so sighting was a snap...and it just made the 0.9 mi. go by quickly. I got into a good groove early and felt pretty strong. I think I swam pretty straight and even caught a few of the folks in the wave ahead of me. That's always exciting!

As I approached the swim finish, I could see the bottom but misjudged how deep it was and tried to put a foot down. Whoops! it was deep right up until the last 3 or 4 yards so it was deceptive. Alas, I got out and made my way up the steep hill and thru the maze of fencing...and jogged almost 200 yards (but what felt like MILES) to my bike in T1.

Even though the swim is my strongest and favorite of the three disciplines in triathlon, I always breathe a sigh of relief when it's over! I feel like it's the leg I have the least control over...and I stand the most to lose (i.e. drowning!) if things go wrong!

Total swim time: 26:30 (roughly 1:40/100 yards...getting faster!)
Rank overall: 289/540 out of the water

ONTO T1...

PREAMBLE: Cranberry Country Triathlon Race Report

2006-09-19T09:10:00.000-05:00

OK, forgive me my absence and, as WB pointed out, my introspective moment. For some reason, August seems to be the month of fans and dog doo. Two years running now, August has brought major upheaval. Curious.

RACE REPORT!!! Yes, I'm sure you were hoping I'd get there eventually. SO there was a lot of really great training leading up to my first full Olympic distance race, The Cranberry Country Triathlon. It was 7 weeks of SMART training, focused training. Weasel Boy planned it all out for me and I felt very ready physically. I'd done the work. In retrospect, the only thing I could've done more of is brick workouts...it's always such a rude awakening to me when I put all three sports together into one day of racing. I guess that's part of the game.

Physically, I was set. Mentally, I was a wreck. My dad's cancer is causing some complications that required him to have surgery the week before the race (which was on August 27th) so my brain was all kinds of whacked out about that. He did REALLY well with the surgery and has recovered nicely. Then my aunt called to say that my grandmother, age 89, in the very advanced stages of alzheimers, was likely not going to make it thru the week. She had stopped eating or taking fluids and it looked like the end was near. Thankfully, she's been comfortable and in good care so her transition from this world would be peaceful...I said goodbye to her the day before my race, thinking I wouldn't see her again. And here we are, almost a month later and she's rallied. Amazing woman, that grandma. Only she knows what's in store... she always liked to keep us guessing.

And then, amidst those mentally draining events, I moved. Again. Not going into any details but I'm doing okay with the help and support of lots of great family and friends. Triathlon has given me so so much to prepare for this time in my life and it's carrying me thru the speed bumps. My extended triathlon and swimming family has kept me sane. A huge thanks to ALL of you - you know who you are.

So, I headed down to my brother's place in Boston on Friday afternoon to visit with him, his sweetest ever girlfriend and my recovering dad. We had a nice time catching up and sharing dinner. And then Saturday I headed to Grandma's place in RI which was only 30 mins from the race site. I stopped in at pre-race day registration and picked up my numbers and goody bag and then spent a wonderful afternoon with cousins and aunts watching sailing races...and then visiting Grandma. It seemed totally appropriate that Grandma's 12th birthday present, a little red sailboat called the Rhode Island Red, swept the races that day and the next, skippered by my bro and cousins. You can see a cool video of Sunday's start here (click on Wind Hill Trophy 2006 and then on Results). Very fun stuff. We went to the awards dinner on Saturday night and then it was off to bed for this racer! With so much going on, it really didn't feel like I was going to race the next morning. Even so, I slept pretty well. No oh-my-god-i-forgot-my-bike pre-race nightmares anyway...

Stuck on Chapter 3

2006-09-06T14:58:00.000-05:00

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
Portia Nelson

Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5
I walk down another street.

Well Folks, things have fallen apart in my world. Working to turn the universe back onto it's feet...race report for my first Olympic Tri is brewing...bear with me while I continue to climb out of my proverbial hole.

Thinking of you all every single day...

Training, training, training....

2006-08-09T07:22:00.000-05:00

Things are going fine on the training front. Been having some really amazing runs lately...the bike is going ok but I've had a rash of flat tires (the curse has set in - is it because I'm not blogging enough, Flat??) so I'm in a temporary holding pattern on the bike...will be getting a new rim strip TODAY along with a handful of new tubes. Oy. At least I'm getting a lot of practice changing them...

Yesterday's run was some steady state work. Weasel Boy is helping me to find a race pace that's considerably faster than my previous pace...I basically build to about 75-78% of my max HR and hold it there for 8 minutes while maintaining the best, most relaxed running form I can muster. Then 4 minutes of walking, stretching, dynamic stretching, rinse and repeat a total of 3 times. So in the end I've done essentially 24 minutes of running at a pace that's getting increasingly faster and increasingly more comfortable at the same HR. Last evening was cool and breezy with beautiful sunshine...felt like fall is on the way. I still had sweat pouring off my face and into my eyes but the lack of humidity was a nice change. Almost felt effortless. I'm really enjoying how my body is responding to my workouts lately. Things feel really good.

2 and a half more weeks until my "A" race, the Cranberry Country Triathlon. I'm looking forward to a fast swim, a flat and fast bike (Amelia is going to LOVE the ride) and a nice steady paced run. I hope it's not too hot but at least I know I can handle the hot and humidity as I've been training in it now for WEEKS. I know in the winter I complain about the cold...but truly, I'm about ready for the UBER hot to be done...

Hope everyone is doing well and training hard. I'm going to at least post workouts from this point forward, seeing as I seem to have little else to ruminate on right now. Thanks to everyone for checking in!!!

"Tap, Tap, Tap," said the Flatman

2006-07-27T19:17:00.000-05:00

"Anyone home???" was the question that zoomed into my inbox this morning...

OK, yeah, it's been kinda quiet over here at 2/3rds... I've heard complaints of crickets and radio silence, musings of busted computers, and gentle nudges that my commenters miss me as much as I miss my comments (because ya'll know I'm completely comment driven).

I dunno. Just been living, I guess.

How lucky am I...

...that I've met some really great new friends in the past month, some who have touched my heart and shown me such unbelievable support and caring, who will be in my life forever?

...that I can ride my bike, run, and swim and my body listens and responds and does what I ask it to do, with very few complaints?

...that I am healthy and happy and employed in a job that I don't really mind going to every day with a home that's my favorite place to come to every night?

...that I have a loving partner and an amazing woofie who make me happy every day to be alive?

...that music is everywhere, and so many new songs, so expertly mixed, have wended their way to my door...and squirmed into my rapidly filling iPod to feed my soul and warm my heart?

...that I live in an incredibly beautiful place that offers me so many opportunities to be outside, close to the sun and the moon and the stars?

...that my family is close, comes to visit me, cheers for my success and buoy's my failures?

...that I have a HUGE extended family of bloggers, triathletes, runners, coaches, and friends who care about how I am, what I'm up to, and if things are going okay?

How lucky am I? Pretty damn lucky.

Summer, health, fitness, friends, family, this life, every bit of it... is so precious and sweet.

Don'tchya think?